Saturday, May 1, 2010

A Relationship With Self...

If I am to be completely honest about it, I focused most of my attention in my 20's, if not all of it, on my romantic relationship. I have no regrets about this, because I believe that everything happens for a reason. I'm grateful for everything I have experienced up until this point because it has made me the person I am today. However, in choosing to set aside my own needs for the needs of another person, I inhibited my own growth and stunted the most important relationship I have in my life, ie the one with myself. And from this I have learnt a very valuable lesson; That ultimately I must know myself in order to choose the right relationship/s to support my growth towards my highest potential.

The title of today's Daily Om message in my inbox was "A Relationship With Self". Of all the things that have changed in my life dramatically over the past two years, my relationship with myself has probably seen the biggest change. This relationship has undoubtedly been the most difficult one for me to cultivate. Prior to my 30's my relationship with myself was characterised by sacrifice, self doubt, fear and negativity. I felt as though the 'real me' was buried somewhere deep inside and I didn't know how to get her out. I desperately wanted to, but nothing I tried seemed to work. I think I just accepted that I would have to live with this uneasy feeling of not really being 'me'. I didn't like it, but I figured that was just the way my life was going to play out.

In the past two years I have done a lot of soul searching. It has been the most difficult and challenging period of my life, and will continue to be so for quite some time to come. But I know that it will ultimately be the most rewarding for me personally. I have been able to strip everything back and see myself for who I really am. For the first time ever I can be who I want to be and I am no longer burdened by the expectations of others.

Being in a partnership or relationship is amazing and brings so much to your life. But from this point forward I vow to always place my relationship with myself above all else. Once upon a time I would have seen this as selfish or egotistical, but what I now know is that it is actually the smartest thing I can do for myself and everyone around me. By knowing who I am and loving myself as a person, I become the person I would want to have a relationship with. And establishing this first is what will allow me to have an amazing relationship with myself, amazing relationships with others, and ultimately an amazing life.


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