Saturday, July 30, 2011

3 Years....

On this night, 3 years ago, I was lying in a hospital bed anxiously awaiting the arrival of my first baby (which would not occur until the next day). It doesn't even seem possible that 3 years could already have passed. Back then you were this little thing that I was pretty much in awe of and I used to wonder what kind of person you would become and hope that I would be able to be a good mother. Whilst the structure of our lives doesn't necessarily look the way I thought that it might have 3 years ago, there are still things I know for sure. That I wanted you more than you will ever know (and still do). I am so blessed to have been entrusted with looking after you. That I will accept you for whoever you are and for whoever you become. That I love you with every piece of my heart and will do everything in my power to make sure you never forget that.

Have a fantastic day tomorrow filled with laughter and fun and surrounded by the people who love you most in this world. Happy Third Birthday my adorable little boy.

Thursday, July 21, 2011


My horoscope today:

You don't give yourself enough credit. You don't permit yourself enough praise. You don't allow yourself enough indulgence. You don't cut yourself enough slack. You deserve better. But how are you going to get that, unless you make room for it in your life? Why settle for second-best? Why cheat yourself out of an entitlement? Why not think big and be brave today? You are not just watching the movie of your life like a passive observer at the cinema. You are writing the story and producing the film.

Why do I only truly believe this or think about applying it to my life when someone else says it to me? Why is it that I spend the majority of my days with exactly the opposite running through my mind?

Monday, July 11, 2011

Reflections on a weekend.....

Wow, what a weekend and past week this has been. Obviously filled with heavy emotions - sadness and heartbreak - but also a tinge of happiness, joy and immense gratitude. My first reaction is to go to sadness and despair at how harsh life can be (and to be honest I am stuck in that space somewhat in regard to the impact this event will have on my beautiful friend Nancy with the loss of her husband). But it has been impossible to completely succumb to that emotion after spending yesterday celebrating the life of a beautiful man with some of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and calling my friends, or rather, family. As I looked around yesterday I just kept thinking how unbelievably lucky I am to have crossed paths with these people and to still be tightly bonded with them, even though hardly any of us still work at the workplace in which we met. The fact that I met them after a very dark and challenging time in my life is also not lost on me. I know for a fact that had I not experienced post natal depression and been set on a completely different path in life, I would never have ended up making the massive career and life change which led to me meeting these wonderful peeps. I feel in every part of me how special and important these people are because even in the midst of utter sadness or when I personally have gone through some really tough times, I never cease to feel connected to them. It is also an absolute testament to Brad and to the power of what happens when like-minded people find their 'tribe' how yesterday, which represented us saying a painful goodbye to a much loved friend, could still have been one of the most special and beautiful occasions I have ever experienced. And I feel nothing but blessed and privileged to have been a part of it.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Words for a Beautiful Man....

I've been holding back these words. Perhaps because to speak them will make them real, and I don't want this to be real. But tonight I feel as though the words need to be released and the resulting emotions, no matter how painful or heartbreaking, must come. Because I feel the need to honour you in my own words.

This week I lost a friend. B-rad, I can picture your smiling face in my head. That bright, warm smile that lit up any room into which you walked. I can still remember the first time I ever saw you - fittingly, with a camera in your hand, taking photos at a lululemon function. Our next meeting came when you interviewed me for my job at lululemon. It was actually one of the greatest interviews because it wasn't like a typical interview at all. It was one of the loveliest conversations and opportunities to connect with someone that I have had. I remember sitting opposite you, discussing photography and feeling the joy that comes from being so present in a conversation. I remember thinking that regardless of the outcome, I would just be so grateful to have shared such a wonderful conversation with you. And I was in awe of your kindness, passion and warmth. In fact, in every conversation I've ever had with you, I have felt your genuine interest and willingness to see and accept me for who I really am. Only very special people can convey that with their presence and energy, my friend. And for that I thank you.

Wherever you are, be sure to keep taking lots of photos (its your gift) and I will offer up a little prayer to you every time I go to take one myself. I will think of you often and promise you that I will always be here for your beautiful Nan, should she ever need me.


Saturday, July 2, 2011


"Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground."