Monday, September 14, 2009


Yesterday I took the Little Man with me to do the grocery shopping. To many people this is a simple thing that wouldn't phase them at all. But given where I was this time a year ago, it is somewhat of a mini milestone. This is not to say that I haven't spent time alone with my son, or taken him with me to do errands before now, because I have. But yesterday was the first time that I didn't sense my own hesitation and that I felt real confidence in myself. A year ago, at the height of my post natal depression, I would have felt a great deal of fear associated with being left alone or being the sole person responsible for the Little Man. Even though I have moved beyond those feelings I believe that they subconsciously creep in every time there is the prospect of me being alone with my son. This has absolutely nothing to do with my son (he is amazing and makes my heart smile every day), but rather everything to do with my self confidence. Realistically I know that I can handle any situation that arises but for most of the past year I haven't been able to get rid of the nagging idea in the back of my head that me being alone with my son is something I should try to avoid or that I can't do. So anyway, I think I have turned a corner (or perhaps I turned it a little while ago but have only just come up for air enough to notice it!) and it feels nice to stop and acknowledge it.

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