Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Switching thoughts....

Today I had a moment of deep dark fear where my mind went to a not so great place. Its doing that a lot lately but today was the first time in ages that those thoughts were about my son. I was overwhelmed by fear about not being a good mum, not being enough for him, not being able to give him certain things, making decisions that might negatively affect him etc etc. From a logical perspective I know that all of these concerns are not founded in any reality, but sometimes I find it difficult to get myself out of that head space. And all afternoon I have been thinking 'What would I tell a friend if they came to me and said they had been thinking those things?'. What I would tell them is that loving your children is the most important thing. That they will remember the time they spent with you doing simple things. Like painting at home or chasing you in the park or stories at bedtime. We can't predict what will happen in the future and all you can ask of yourself is to do the best that you can do in each moment and each day. As parents, we will never be perfect. We will get it wrong, make mistakes, have our kids be angry with us - and the list goes on. But if we spend all of our time worrying about the 'what if's', we miss the 'what is'.

And 'what is' for me today was an adorable little being who is the love of my life. Who ran up to me when I picked him up at daycare. Who let me kiss him about a thousand times. Who sat next to me watching Two and a Half Men, Glee ads (his fave) and The Biggest Loser. Who checks my heart with his pretend doctors kit. And who always makes me wonder how I could ever have been so lucky to have a part in making such a wonderful little person.

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