Broken Open.....

I've just started reading "Broken Open" by Elizabeth Lesser. It seems that I have dog eared every page because so much that she writes is speaking to me. I've always been a massive reader but lately I feel like I have been guided to certain books when I'm in book shops. Perhaps my angels or guides or someone is looking out for me and sending me in the direction of books that will help me through this stage of life. Here are some of my favourite snippets so far:

• And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was even more painful than the risk it took to blossom - Anais Nin. Your heart is like the flower. Let it break open. What you want is waiting for you in your own heart. The time has come.


• To be human is to be lost in the woods. None of us arrives here with clear directions on how to get from Point A to Point B without stumbling into the forest of confusion or wrongdoing. Although they are dark and dangerous, it is in the woods that we discover our strengths. We all know people who say their cancer or divorce or bankruptcy was the greatest gift of a lifetime - that until the body, or the heart or the bank was broken, they didn't know who they were, what they felt, or what they wanted. Before their descent into the darkness, they took more than they gave, or they were numb, or full of fear or blame or self pity. In their most broken moments they were brought to their knees; they were humbled; they were opened. And later, as they pulled their lives back together, they discovered a clearer sense of purpose and a new passion for life.


• We can go back to sleep in order to resist the forces of change or we can stay awake and be broken open. Both ways are difficult, but one way brings with it the gift of a lifetime. If we can stay awake when our lives are changing, secrets will be revealed to us - secrets about ourselves, about the nature of life, and about the eternal source of happiness and peace that is always available, always renewable, already within us.


• Albert Einstein warned 'No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it'. In other words, don't try to solve a problem using the same mixed up thinking that got you into the mess in the first place. You will just keep swimming around in tight little circles of indecision and fear.


• Something told me I would not find my way out of this quandary using the same old arguments, but I didn't know where to look for a new perspective. It was as if I was under water, swimming around and around in the darkness. Far above me, beyond the weight of an ocean of worries, a ray of light was pointing in a luminous, new direction, but I was to distracted to notice. I was caught in waves of conflicting questions: Would I ruin my children's lives by getting divorced? Or was it worse for them to live with unhappy parents? Was I a dreamer, looking for an elusive happiness that real life could never deliver? Or were we meant to know the rapture of being alive, even at the cost of breaking the rules?


• How was i to break out of my tight circle of fear into a new consciousness? How did Einstein do it? How did he quiet the admonishing, skeptical voices in his head - the ones barking bad directions - long enough to hear the steady whispers of the universe? How was he able to peer beyond himself and follow the light to more lucid answers?


• The soul comes to earth to learn lessons, not to get married or stay married or to take this job or that job. You have been asking the wrong question. The question is what lesson does your soul want to learn? Do you know?


• Only those who love themselves can love others, and only people who claim their own voice can hear the true song of another.


• The philosopher William James wrote that there are two kinds of people in this world - the Once Born and Twice Born. Once born people do not stray from the familiar territory of who they think they are and what they think is expected of them. If fate pushes them to the edge of Dante's famous dark woods - where the straight way is lost - they turn back. They don't want to learn something new from life's darker lessons. They stay with what seems safe, and what is acceptable to their family and society. They stick to what they already know but don't necessarily want. Once born people may go through life and never even know what lies beyond the woods - or that there are woods at all. A Twice born person pays attention when the soul pokes its head through the clouds of a half lived life. Whether through choice or calamity, the Twice born person goes into the woods, loses the straight way, makes mistakes, suffers loss and confronts that which needs to change within himself in order to live a more genuine and radiant life.


• The journey from Once born to Twice born brings us to a crossroads where the old ways of doing things are no longer working but a better way lies somewhere at the far edge of the woods. We are afraid to step into those woods but even more afraid to turn back. To turn back is one kind of death; to go forward is another. The first kind of death ends in ashes; the second leads to rebirth.


• Twice born people trade the safety of the known for the power of the unknown. Something calls them into the woods, where the straight path vanishes, and there is no turning back, only going through. This is not easy. It is very real and very difficult. To face our shadow - the dragons and hags we have spent a lifetime running away from - is perhaps the most difficult journey we will ever take. But it is there, in the shadows, that we retrieve our hidden parts, learn our lessons, and give birth to the wise and mature self. From my personal experience and from the work I have done with men and women in my workshops, I know the difficulty of the dark journey is matched only by its rewards.

Even silence has an end.....

I'm currently reading the book "Even Silence Has An End" by Ingrid Betancourt. Ingrid was born in Columbia in 1961, educated in France and England and returned to Colombia in 1989 to become involved in national politics. She formed her own political party, Oxigeno Verde (Green Oxygen), and became a senator in 1998. She was a Colombian Presidential candidate when she was kidnapped by the FARC, who held her captive from 2002 to 2008. This book is is a reflection on Betancourt's time in captivity and on what it means to be human.

As I go through my own personal struggles right now, this book is a great reminder to me of the courage that we have and of just what the mind and heart can conquer and overcome (even when we think we have reached our limit). One particular quote so far has stood out for me. Betancourt says "When you're chained by the neck to a tree and deprived of everything... Well, it took me several years to realise, but you still have the most important freedom of all: that is, the freedom to choose what kind of person you want to be." I've been thinking a lot about this idea of choosing what kind of person you want to be. So many elements of my life are changing right now. Things are overwhelming, scary, sad, difficult and uncertain. I know that this is all part of the process to be gone through and I am trying to accept that I have to just 'be with' it all. I know that trying to fight it will not only drain me of any physical and emotional energy I do have, but will also deprive me of learning what I need to learn the most. Seems really easy to say here but its a daily struggle - every ounce of my being just wants to run and escape it all and get through it as quickly as I can. I do know that this is impossible and not the way it works. So I have to consciously choose each day to keep moving forward and facing whatever comes my way in the best way I can. I have my good and bad days (lately seems like more bad than good), but ultimately I do have faith that I will come out the other side. And no matter how difficult it seems and how hard it is, I know that the only person who can choose who I am going to be each minute, day and hour is me. So even in the face of feeling as though I don't even know who 'me' is, I will continue to make this choice over and over and over again.

Hello Old Friend......

My poor little neglected blog. I think this is the longest time I've gone without updating you. Days turn into weeks in the blink of an eye right now. I'm also at a place in life where a million different things are fighting for my attention and I just can't do all of them. Anyhow, we do what we can when we can..... So to get up to speed with what's been going on for me, I've been in Melbourne a couple of times for work, which has been great. I've been taking on some training and development stuff and it feels so good to get back on my teaching path a little. In the next year or so thats the role I aim to be having at lululemon athletica, although I'm happy managing my store and team for now and soaking up everything I can to be great in that role before I move onto the next one.

I'm faced with challenges every day in regards to my family/personal life but just keep focusing on being the best me and mother I can be for my little man. The guilt of how my decisions could be affecting his life is getting to me a bit lately. I know that deep down I have made the best decision for myself, Lachlan and Bailey but that doesn't stop those 'what if?' thoughts entering your head. Last week was really emotionally draining for me as my little man cried every time I took him to daycare. I also found myself second guessing everything and wondering whether behaviour he was exhibiting was normal 2 year old stuff or whether the separation is affecting him etc. Boy, its tough..... All I can do is keep trying to do my best each day and trust that things will be ok.

On the note of trying my best, thats something thats been a real focus of mine in the past few weeks. I've read two amazing books that have had a huge impact on me. The first being "The Leader Who Had No Title" by Robin Sharma. Such a brilliant book about personal responsibility and being the CEO of your own life and whatever role you have, regardless of your 'title'. Really empowering stuff that makes you think about how you are choosing to live. I've recommended it to so many people and have added it to our library at work. The second book is "Linchpin" by the phenomenal Seth Godin. Its all about your choices, your future and your potential to make a huge difference in whatever field you choose. He discusses that there used to be two teams in every workplace: management and labour. But now there's a third team: the linchpins. These people invent, lead (regardless of title), connect others, make things happen, and create order out of chaos. They love their work and pour their best selves into it . Linchpins are the essential building blocks of great organisations and in today's world they are the people who will get the best jobs and the most freedom. I cannot agree more with Seth's views on society and the workplace and what really excites me is the fact that I work in a company who supports this view and that I recognise myself as a linchpin. As such, the only limits to what I can do in my role and in my life are the ones I put on myself. Anything is possible and I can make a difference in the world - and thats such an amazing way to look at your life and to live each day.

My Colombian Death.....

I've just started reading this book and I can hardly put it down. What's even more satisfying is the fact that it didn't cost me any money (I have joined the library in order to support my reading addiction as my bank balance can no longer keep me in the literary manor to which I had become accustomed)!

Matt Thompson travelled to Columbia in 2006, in search of the life he 'might' have lived. Once upon a time his father was offered a post which would have taken the family to Bogota, but he turned it down because it was too high risk. Instead they came to Australia - low risk, and the land that nearly drove Matt to a slow death from boredom.

One day Matt quits his job as a journalist and decides to go and experience life in a country that is possibly the most dangerous in the whole world. This is the story of what happened next.

Gogo Mama....

Another big week. (It feels as though there is no such thing as a quiet or slow week anymore!). I had the opportunity to go to Melbourne to run some training for work, which was great since one of my goals is to move into a training and development role with lululemon. It was so much fun to work with and see lulu peeps from other parts of the country and to have a change of environment, even for two days.

I know I've been a bit quiet on the old blog front lately but all the things that are going on for me right now are draining me big time. So apart from working and trying to get through each day, there hasn't been much energy left for anything else. I can say that I'm reading a great book at the moment called "Gogo Mama" by Sall Sara. It is a journey of discovery into the lives of 12 very different African women. They include the survivor of a brutal attack by Ugandan rebels; an escapee from slavery in Ghana; Zanzibar's most famous living diva; a former child soldier from Liberia; a grandmother fighting AIDS in South Africa; and a pioneering midwife from Timbuktu. While these stories are heart breaking there still manages to be a sense of hope and spirit in them and its a great reminder for me right now that even though it feels as though things are quite dark in my life right now, it is nothing compared to what so many others in the world go through.

You were right sis, I can't put it down.....

I started reading Andre Agassi's autobiography yesterday and I cannot put it down. It is so interesting to see just how different his life was and is behind the scenes, as opposed to what one would imagine. Even if you are not necessarily an Agassi or tennis fan, this is a great read. Here's a little description for you:

From Andre Agassi, one of the most beloved athletes in history and one of the most gifted men ever to step onto a tennis court, a beautiful, haunting autobiography.

Agassi’s incredibly rigorous training begins when he is just a child. By the age of thirteen, he is banished to a Florida tennis camp that feels like a prison camp. Lonely, scared, a ninth-grade dropout, he rebels in ways that will soon make him a 1980s icon. He dyes his hair, pierces his ears, dresses like a punk rocker. By the time he turns pro at sixteen, his new look promises to change tennis forever, as does his lightning-fast return.

And yet, despite his raw talent, he struggles early on. We feel his confusion as he loses to the world’s best, his greater confusion as he starts to win. After stumbling in three Grand Slam finals, Agassi shocks the world, and himself, by capturing the 1992 Wimbledon. Overnight he becomes a fan favorite and a media target.

Agassi brings a near-photographic memory to every pivotal match and every relationship. Never before has the inner game of tennis and the outer game of fame been so precisely limned. Alongside vivid portraits of rivals from several generations—Jimmy Connors, Pete Sampras, Roger Federer—Agassi gives unstinting accounts of his brief time with Barbra Streisand and his doomed marriage to Brooke Shields. He reveals a shattering loss of confidence. And he recounts his spectacular resurrection, a comeback climaxing with his epic run at the 1999 French Open and his march to become the oldest man ever ranked number one.

In clear, taut prose, Agassi evokes his loyal brother, his wise coach, his gentle trainer, all the people who help him regain his balance and find love at last with Stefanie Graf. Inspired by her quiet strength, he fights through crippling pain from a deteriorating spine to remain a dangerous opponent in the twenty-first and final year of his career. Entering his last tournament in 2006, he’s hailed for completing a stunning metamorphosis, from nonconformist to elder statesman, from dropout to education advocate. And still he’s not done. At a U.S. Open for the ages, he makes a courageous last stand, then delivers one of the most stirring farewells ever heard in a sporting arena.

With its breakneck tempo and raw candor, Open will be read and cherished for years. A treat for ardent fans, it will also captivate readers who know nothing about tennis. Like Agassi’s game, it sets a new standard for grace, style, speed, and power.

Another goal achieved......

I'm giving myself a pat on the back because tonight I finished the 5th and final book in the lululemon core library. I'm pretty chuffed considering that I have only been at lululemon for just over 4 months and I have also read at least 7 other books in this time (As you can probably guess, I LOVE reading). All 5 books in the core library (Good to Great, A New Earth, The Goal, Focal Point and The Tipping Point) have been well worth reading as I have learnt so much more about areas such as goal setting, business and reaching my potential. I am so grateful that I have had the opportunity to be exposed to the life changing culture that is lululemon. The best thing is, that it isn't a secret. Anyone out there can pick up these books and share in the culture - I highly recommend that you do.

A great read.....

I just finished reading "The Wolf of Wall Street", which I could not put down. It is the tell-all autobiography of Jordan Belfort, who became one of the most infamous names in American finance in the 1990's. He narrates an astounding but also hilarious tale of greed, power and excess, which no-one could even begin to make up. Thanks so much to my twin sis who recommended that I read this book. I loved it so much that I've moved straight onto Jordan's second book, "Catching the Wolf of Wall Street", which I'm sure will be just as entertaining. If you want a book to laugh through and totally lose yourself in, then this is for you. Happy reading!

Still laughing....

I started reading "It sucked and then I cried" last night. I think I am still laughing now, nearly 24 hours later. I could hardly keep reading because I just kept laughing out loud with every new sentence. Heather is one funny, funny lady. I had to order this book from the U.S, and it only came in hardback (making it very costly), but even after chapter 1 it is worth every cent. I'm looking forward to the next side splitting installment tonight. 

Books, books, books

As you might have noticed I have finished a few of the books on my list over the past couple of weeks. "Good to Great" was the first book on my lululemon list and it really makes fascinating reading for anyone interested in business (in particular, businesses not based on your typical model). 

"Always looking up" by Michael J Fox was inspiring. What an amazing guy. His ability to turn a situation that many would view as life ending into one that has enriched his own life and the lives of thousands of other people is phenomenal. A genuinely intelligent, compassionate and witty human being. (He will forever be Alex. P Keaton to me, no matter how many years go by. Such fond memories....).

"Bruce and Me" by Oren Seidler is the book I just finished reading. It is one of those books you cannot put down. You can't believe that people live lives like the one that she has, but on the flip side it really makes you wonder what a 'normal' life is anyway. An interesting and humorous read (that she also made into a documentary I believe).

I've added two new books to the list: "Learning to Breathe" by Alison Wright and "It sucked and then I cried" by Heather B Armstrong. I mentioned my desire to get Alison's book when I discussed her photography in an earlier post. I'm sure this one will be very inspiring. "It sucked and then I cried" is the heartfelt, witty and honest story of Heather's battle with postnatal depression and all the other details of pregnancy and motherhood. I can't wait to read this memoir as Heather's writing is hilarious. If you want to find out a little more about her you can visit her personal blog dooce.com.

If anyone reads any of these books please drop me a comment and let me know what you think. Happy reading!

Another gorgeous day...

Today was another gorgeous day, just like last Saturday. The little man came with me to school sport this morning and he was so good he broke my heart. For over two hours he smiled at everyone and didn't once cry. I enjoyed every second of being with him today. The lovely husband and I are lucky enough to have a baby free night tonight so that we can go out to dinner with my cousin and her husband (my dad and step-mum are kindly looking after the little man).  We are going to a wonderful French restaurant (snails here we come!), and I can't wait to catch up with family members who I love dearly.

As tomorrow is Mothers Day here (yes, my first one!), I was searching the Internet for some relevant images for tomorrow's post. My first port of call was to the website of photojournalist Alison Wright. I have been following her work ever since I came across her book "Faces of Hope" in a bookstore. Alison has dedicated herself to portraying the lives of children in the developing world.  Her ability to capture the spirit of her subjects is truly amazing, as is her ability to capture the simple joy that children find in play, their family and the world around them. Alison's photos are a celebration of children, their heritage and the promise they hold for all our futures. 

Child in Tibet

Alison has written a book about her astonishing survival and recuperation following a devastating bus accident in Laos. I haven't read it yet but am going to go out ASAP to buy it as it sounds so inspiring. Here is the blurb from her website that will make you want to run out and buy the book right now as well:

"I strived to find a way to balance my not-so-subtle yearning for a sense of inner peace while bearing witness to life’s atrocities and injustices. Apparently the universe  felt I needed more than a gentle nudge. In fact, it took the impact of a one-ton logging truck to find it."

-- Alison Wright

________

The air was heavy and smelled thickly of burned rubber, of brakes and tires stretched beyond their limits ..In the distance, I could hear muffled voices calling, "My God, someone do something! This woman is bleeding to death!"

I silently prayed that someone would help whomever that woman was… I saw the deep arm-length gashes. The open flesh looked like it had been attacked by a shark, a dark wine color rapidly spreading across the front of the light blue sleeveless denim shirt… That’s when I realized that the woman they were talking about was me." -- Taken from the opening of LEARNING TO BREATHE.

In LEARNING TO BREATHE: One Woman’s Journey of Spirit and Survival (Hudson Street Press; August 2008; $24.95; 978-1-5946) Alison Wright, a renowned photojournalist with a lifetime of world travels behind her, tells of riding a packed bus on a winding mountain road of Laos in the first few days of the new century. In an instant of crushed metal and shattered glass, her life utterly changed: taking a dangerous blind curve, the bus collided head-on with a logging truck, nearly killing her. In unbearable pain, severely injured and barely able to breathe, Alison lay by the side of the road and drew upon her years of meditation practice, concentrating on every breath as if it were her last.

It would be fourteen excruciating hours before Alison finally received any medical attention, although in a life-saving gesture her glass-mangled arm was first sewn up by a young man with a needle and thread. Eventually reaching Thailand, she began a series of excruciating surgeries which continued back in the States. She had survived injuries no one thought she could, and now determined to get her life back, she struggled to remain positive when her doctors discouraged her from thinking about returning to her previous career and athletic lifestyle. Never one to accept defeat, Alison set herself the goal of achieving a new dream: to one day climb Mt. Kilimanjaro.

LEARNING TO BREATHE is Alison Wright’s searing account of the accident, its aftermath, her recovery, and her triumph: from Kilimanjaro on her fortieth birthday, through an extraordinary pilgrimage of gratitude to Mount Kailash, to an eventual return to Laos and a reunion with the people who helped her in those crucial first hours. 

Filled with stunning accounts of a lifetime of adventure and photojournalism, and informed by a spiritual quest to find a universal human connection among cultures around the world, LEARNING TO BREATHE is an unforgettable tale of one woman’s urge to not only survive but to live a life filled with meaning and compassion.