I came across the quote "Your Mind Is The Mountain Before You" last night and it could not be more apt for me right now. I just read my last post and, sadly, not much has changed in regards to my state of mind since then. If anything I sank a little further and (hopefully) hit the bottom so that I can now come back up. What I'm coming to terms with is just how hard that is proving to be. When I went through post natal depression after I had Bailey, it was the most horrendous struggle to get out of it. And I think that because my life changed so much for the better and I learnt so much from it about myself, that I mistakenly believed that I would never get close to that again, or that I would somehow have the answer the next time one of life's challenges came my way. What floored me this week was the realisation that I don't have the answers in the slightest; that there is no guarantee that I won't go down that road again and that I am once again being tested as to how strong I actually am. Whilst I am definitely not in the pit of depression I was in 2 years ago, I can definitely see signs and symptoms of it in myself and that has been enough to scare the hell out of me. So this week I have been forced to acknowledge my struggle and reach out to those around me in order to get back on top of everything. I'm going to take a little time out to be kind to myself and give myself some space. Funnily enough, I had thought I was doing this all along but clearly I haven't been because I feel completely and utterly worn out and exhausted.
The other funny thing about reading my last post is that I referred to a guy on X Factor, Altiyan, who had really floored me with his singing. Oddly enough this week, I was standing on the side of the road and who should walk up beside me but him. What a small world.....
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