give.love.get.love

A Fresh Start.....

2011-08-20T21:24:00.002+10:00

Hi Friends! Join me over at my new blog "The Song My Soul Sings"......

3 Years....

2011-07-30T21:55:00.004+10:00

On this night, 3 years ago, I was lying in a hospital bed anxiously awaiting the arrival of my first baby (which would not occur until the next day). It doesn't even seem possible that 3 years could already have passed. Back then you were this little thing that I was pretty much in awe of and I used to wonder what kind of person you would become and hope that I would be able to be a good mother. Whilst the structure of our lives doesn't necessarily look the way I thought that it might have 3 years ago, there are still things I know for sure. That I wanted you more than you will ever know (and still do). I am so blessed to have been entrusted with looking after you. That I will accept you for whoever you are and for whoever you become. That I love you with every piece of my heart and will do everything in my power to make sure you never forget that.

Have a fantastic day tomorrow filled with laughter and fun and surrounded by the people who love you most in this world. Happy Third Birthday my adorable little boy.

Noted....

2011-07-21T10:06:00.003+10:00

My horoscope today:

You don't give yourself enough credit. You don't permit yourself enough praise. You don't allow yourself enough indulgence. You don't cut yourself enough slack. You deserve better. But how are you going to get that, unless you make room for it in your life? Why settle for second-best? Why cheat yourself out of an entitlement? Why not think big and be brave today? You are not just watching the movie of your life like a passive observer at the cinema. You are writing the story and producing the film.

Why do I only truly believe this or think about applying it to my life when someone else says it to me? Why is it that I spend the majority of my days with exactly the opposite running through my mind?

Reflections on a weekend.....

2011-07-11T06:53:00.005+10:00

Wow, what a weekend and past week this has been. Obviously filled with heavy emotions - sadness and heartbreak - but also a tinge of happiness, joy and immense gratitude. My first reaction is to go to sadness and despair at how harsh life can be (and to be honest I am stuck in that space somewhat in regard to the impact this event will have on my beautiful friend Nancy with the loss of her husband). But it has been impossible to completely succumb to that emotion after spending yesterday celebrating the life of a beautiful man with some of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and calling my friends, or rather, family. As I looked around yesterday I just kept thinking how unbelievably lucky I am to have crossed paths with these people and to still be tightly bonded with them, even though hardly any of us still work at the workplace in which we met. The fact that I met them after a very dark and challenging time in my life is also not lost on me. I know for a fact that had I not experienced post natal depression and been set on a completely different path in life, I would never have ended up making the massive career and life change which led to me meeting these wonderful peeps. I feel in every part of me how special and important these people are because even in the midst of utter sadness or when I personally have gone through some really tough times, I never cease to feel connected to them. It is also an absolute testament to Brad and to the power of what happens when like-minded people find their 'tribe' how yesterday, which represented us saying a painful goodbye to a much loved friend, could still have been one of the most special and beautiful occasions I have ever experienced. And I feel nothing but blessed and privileged to have been a part of it.

Words for a Beautiful Man....

2011-07-07T21:16:00.004+10:00

I've been holding back these words. Perhaps because to speak them will make them real, and I don't want this to be real. But tonight I feel as though the words need to be released and the resulting emotions, no matter how painful or heartbreaking, must come. Because I feel the need to honour you in my own words.

This week I lost a friend. B-rad, I can picture your smiling face in my head. That bright, warm smile that lit up any room into which you walked. I can still remember the first time I ever saw you - fittingly, with a camera in your hand, taking photos at a lululemon function. Our next meeting came when you interviewed me for my job at lululemon. It was actually one of the greatest interviews because it wasn't like a typical interview at all. It was one of the loveliest conversations and opportunities to connect with someone that I have had. I remember sitting opposite you, discussing photography and feeling the joy that comes from being so present in a conversation. I remember thinking that regardless of the outcome, I would just be so grateful to have shared such a wonderful conversation with you. And I was in awe of your kindness, passion and warmth. In fact, in every conversation I've ever had with you, I have felt your genuine interest and willingness to see and accept me for who I really am. Only very special people can convey that with their presence and energy, my friend. And for that I thank you.

Wherever you are, be sure to keep taking lots of photos (its your gift) and I will offer up a little prayer to you every time I go to take one myself. I will think of you often and promise you that I will always be here for your beautiful Nan, should she ever need me.

Rumi.....

2011-07-02T13:00:00.003+10:00

"Let the beauty we love be what we do.

There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground."

Rumi

Being Powerful....

2011-06-30T12:57:00.001+10:00

"A self-assured woman who is in control of her life draws like a magnet. She is so full of positive energy that people want to be around her. Yet it is only when she has become powerful within herself that she can become authentic and loving to those around her."

Susan Jeffers

Exactly what I need to focus on today.....

2011-05-27T18:04:00.000+10:00

Source: yesandyes.org via Laura on Pinterest

Outwaiting Clouds.....

2011-05-22T19:19:00.003+10:00

Quite a lot has happened in the last few weeks. I have been at a new job for 2 weeks now, working for a freight forwarding and logistics company. Completely new for me. The first job I've ever had where I can't wear tracksuit pants to work, where I sit at a desk for 8 hours a day and where I don't work weekends. I'm slowly getting used to this though and its nice for now to be in a routine that is more stable, particularly with the little man. I'm also playing hockey again (I can't believe its been 3 and 1/2 years since I last played). Feels great to run around again and push myself, as well as having laughs with the hockey gals.

The main purpose of this post was to share some words of wisdom from Mark Nepo. In particular, I want to dedicate them to my friend Alanna, who I had the pleasure of catching up with for dinner last week. I hadn't seen her in ages and she has been through some extraordinarily difficult times since I saw her last. I hope that in some small way our time together on Thursday night helped ease her burden a little and she felt my love and support. Whilst I don't know what it feels like to lose your mother, I do know what it feels like to lose someone close to you and what it feels like to go through periods in life where it seems everything has turned upside down and nothing feels 'right'. These words resonated with me and Alanna, I hope they comfort you in some way too....

Outwaiting Clouds

The bud in half bloom outwaits the clouds

Some days I wake with a cloud around my heart, and it dulls everything except the weight I carry deep inside. Yet, just because I can't make it to the light today doesn't mean that the light has vanished. In truth, the heart, like the Earth, is continually blanketed by ever-changing atmospheres that come and go between who we are and how we live our days.

So faith, it seems, can be defined as the effort to believe in light when we're covered by clouds, and though it feels like the sun will never come again, the truth is it has never stopped burning its light. In fact, its heat and warmth is burning steadily, right now, on the far side of whatever cloud we are under.

If we could only suspend our judgement when clouded in the heart. For many skepticisms are born from conclusions drawn while unable to see, as if any kind of understanding will prevent the clouds from coming or going, again and again.

But no cloud lasts forever. The Earth and all that grows from it knows this well. So does the heart and everything that grows from it, in spite of all our very understandable pains.

(Taken from "The Book of Awakening" by Mark Nepo)

Life's wild ride....

2011-05-06T13:31:00.006+10:00

Holy Moly - what a ride this past few months has been for me. As is the case for everyone at certain times, life throws you a curve ball and you seem to get your butt kicked. And I have sufficiently had my butt kicked, let me tell you. Its not necessarily in a bad way. Its been kicked in the way it does when you weren't anticipating certain things, happenings or feelings arising, and when they do they hit you like a steam train. The catalyst for this for me was finally stopping everything. Perhaps, somewhat naively, I thought that I would stop, create space in my life, then just happily move forward into the next phase. But if I think about everything I have been through in the last 3 or so years, its no surprise really that once I stopped, every emotion, thought or feeling that had been suppressed by the chaos of every day life bubbled to the surface. I know that this was completely necessary, so that I could work through any un-resolved issues and drop excess baggage in order to move into a better place in my life. But knowing that hasn't made it any easier. Its very humbling though to go through these phases, where everything is turned upside down and where you feel as though you are strapped into an out of control ride. All you can do is close your eyes and hold on, trusting that the end of this ride or phase will come (even though in your darkest moments you can't fathom that it ever will).

In the short term, I could have just run away from the pain or feelings (and believe me there were many times when I wanted to). But I knew that they would simply re-surface later and that no matter how hard it was, I needed to deal with what was in front of me. As Mark Nepo says in his Book of Awakening, 'It seems that whatever the door, whatever our fear - be it love or truth or even the prospect of death - we all have this choice, again and again: avoiding that part of our house or opening the door and finding out more about ourselves by waiting until what is dark becomes seeable.'

Whilst I still have a lot of work to do in clearing out the old ways of being and thinking that no longer serve me, I do at least feel like the wild ride is slowing down somewhat. Its still dark but I'm catching more and more glimmers of light and can see that what is dark will become seeable.......

Broken Open.....

2011-04-28T20:55:00.005+10:00

I've just started reading "Broken Open" by Elizabeth Lesser. It seems that I have dog eared every page because so much that she writes is speaking to me. I've always been a massive reader but lately I feel like I have been guided to certain books when I'm in book shops. Perhaps my angels or guides or someone is looking out for me and sending me in the direction of books that will help me through this stage of life. Here are some of my favourite snippets so far:

And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was even more painful than the risk it took to blossom - Anais Nin. Your heart is like the flower. Let it break open. What you want is waiting for you in your own heart. The time has come.

To be human is to be lost in the woods. None of us arrives here with clear directions on how to get from Point A to Point B without stumbling into the forest of confusion or wrongdoing. Although they are dark and dangerous, it is in the woods that we discover our strengths. We all know people who say their cancer or divorce or bankruptcy was the greatest gift of a lifetime - that until the body, or the heart or the bank was broken, they didn't know who they were, what they felt, or what they wanted. Before their descent into the darkness, they took more than they gave, or they were numb, or full of fear or blame or self pity. In their most broken moments they were brought to their knees; they were humbled; they were opened. And later, as they pulled their lives back together, they discovered a clearer sense of purpose and a new passion for life.

We can go back to sleep in order to resist the forces of change or we can stay awake and be broken open. Both ways are difficult, but one way brings with it the gift of a lifetime. If we can stay awake when our lives are changing, secrets will be revealed to us - secrets about ourselves, about the nature of life, and about the eternal source of happiness and peace that is always available, always renewable, already within us.

Albert Einstein warned 'No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it'. In other words, don't try to solve a problem using the same mixed up thinking that got you into the mess in the first place. You will just keep swimming around in tight little circles of indecision and fear.

Something told me I would not find my way out of this quandary using the same old arguments, but I didn't know where to look for a new perspective. It was as if I was under water, swimming around and around in the darkness. Far above me, beyond the weight of an ocean of worries, a ray of light was pointing in a luminous, new direction, but I was to distracted to notice. I was caught in waves of conflicting questions: Would I ruin my children's lives by getting divorced? Or was it worse for them to live with unhappy parents? Was I a dreamer, looking for an elusive happiness that real life could never deliver? Or were we meant to know the rapture of being alive, even at the cost of breaking the rules?

How was i to break out of my tight circle of fear into a new consciousness? How did Einstein do it? How did he quiet the admonishing, skeptical voices in his head - the ones barking bad directions - long enough to hear the steady whispers of the universe? How was he able to peer beyond himself and follow the light to more lucid answers?

The soul comes to earth to learn lessons, not to get married or stay married or to take this job or that job. You have been asking the wrong question. The question is what lesson does your soul want to learn? Do you know?

Only those who love themselves can love others, and only people who claim their own voice can hear the true song of another.

The philosopher William James wrote that there are two kinds of people in this world - the Once Born and Twice Born. Once born people do not stray from the familiar territory of who they think they are and what they think is expected of them. If fate pushes them to the edge of Dante's famous dark woods - where the straight way is lost - they turn back. They don't want to learn something new from life's darker lessons. They stay with what seems safe, and what is acceptable to their family and society. They stick to what they already know but don't necessarily want. Once born people may go through life and never even know what lies beyond the woods - or that there are woods at all. A Twice born person pays attention when the soul pokes its head through the clouds of a half lived life. Whether through choice or calamity, the Twice born person goes into the woods, loses the straight way, makes mistakes, suffers loss and confronts that which needs to change within himself in order to live a more genuine and radiant life.

The journey from Once born to Twice born brings us to a crossroads where the old ways of doing things are no longer working but a better way lies somewhere at the far edge of the woods. We are afraid to step into those woods but even more afraid to turn back. To turn back is one kind of death; to go forward is another. The first kind of death ends in ashes; the second leads to rebirth.

Twice born people trade the safety of the known for the power of the unknown. Something calls them into the woods, where the straight path vanishes, and there is no turning back, only going through. This is not easy. It is very real and very difficult. To face our shadow - the dragons and hags we have spent a lifetime running away from - is perhaps the most difficult journey we will ever take. But it is there, in the shadows, that we retrieve our hidden parts, learn our lessons, and give birth to the wise and mature self. From my personal experience and from the work I have done with men and women in my workshops, I know the difficulty of the dark journey is matched only by its rewards.

Having some faith....

2011-04-20T13:47:00.003+10:00

I've been in hibernation for the past month really. Mind working over time and finding it hard to make sense of where I am right now. So the only thing to do has been to take a few steps back and give myself permission to just exist. Without trying to figure anything out or 'fix' anything. I'm in 'one day at a time' mode. I did want to post my horoscope for today though because it has given me some faith that if I just keep letting things 'be', they will all work out as they need to:

"Confusion about where you want to go and where you want to be is going to ease up once the weekend has been and gone. If you're still trying to work out what really matters to you in the grand scheme of things, then don't burst a brain cell. Just let events continue to unfurl and it should become more and more obvious where and when you need to change things and where things are actually quite fine as they are now. Getting answers to these questions will bring you some luscious and delicious inner peace".

Sounds great!

Still floating along...

2011-03-22T15:30:00.005+11:00

Image by Firefox via Flickr

Yes, I have been silent for a while but I'm still here. Floating along, taking one day at a time. Until recently, I felt like I have been dragged under rapids and could not get my head above water. My whole world seemed to be a big mess of confusion and my head was, for the most part, full of anxiety, panic, overwhelm and sadness. Nothing per se has changed with my life situation. I'm still applying for jobs and not knowing where I want to go or what I want to do. But I can feel a slight shift in that I feel, for some periods of time at least, I am managing to come up for air. So you might say, I'm still in the rapids but I've got my life vest on and I can at least keep my head above water to breathe. I still have at least 20 moments every day of gut wrenching panic where my brain kicks in (or probably more my ego) and cries "Where are you? How did you get here? What are you doing? Is this it?" I have no real answers to these questions except to say "I am where I am". I know that sounds very zen like and it may appear that I have complete acceptance of where I am. Let me just say that this is not the case. I have to work every day at reminding myself of this. Of not putting more pressure on myself to figure it all out or to 'fix' this. My head would like to flick a switch right now and have everything move into place. My head feels like it can't go one more day with all these question marks, insecurities, instability, discomfort and emotional ups and downs. But my heart knows this is not the answer. The answer lies in what I discover about myself through this time. And I dare say that all this emptiness has occurred so that there is nothing to hide behind. No juggling of crazy work hours or demands of being a Mum. No spending 2 hours of my day in aggravating traffic getting to and from work etc etc.

What I have discovered so far is that despite my best intentions, my self worth and who I am, have been totally tied up in my work. Without my work and how that defines me, I have no idea who I am. Obviously our self worth is going to be defined to a certain degree by our jobs as this is what we do with the majority of our time. But there is a danger that comes when we can only define ourselves through our work or roles as a mother or partner. When we fail to put aside time to remain in touch with who we are as a person, without the other elements and distractions, we lose ourselves. Being connected to that part of you is what sustains you through all times, good and bad. Your understanding of who you are, and your love for yourself, is the one thing that I feel helps you the most in moving through life. Its the anchor point that helps you maintain stability or balance regardless of what is going on in the world around you.

I know what it is like to find your balance or anchor point. My experience with post natal depression forced me to find it. It wasn't easy to find and took me a while to get there, but eventually I did. And it truly was amazing. To have that sense of peace and of being complete and whole as a person, no matter what was happening around me, was priceless. And it was the gift that post natal depression gave me. So why am I sitting here two and half years later trying to 'find it' again, you ask? Basically, I stopped making that aspect of life a priority. I didn't mean to, and probably didn't even realise I had. But life keeps moving and situations change (God knows just about every part of my life has changed in the past 2 years). Stress, emotional upheaval, tiredness, sadness, work etc are often the things that affect our ability to stay in touch with ourselves and to be able to give ourselves what we need. But the problem is, its through these times that we need that personal anchor and stability the most. We have to make time for ourselves no matter how busy, tired, stressed or happy we are (often when things are going really well in other areas of life it can make you feel like your self love or understanding will just maintain itself, without any sustained input. Not so my friends. We need to fuel that part of ourselves just like we need daily food and water to sustain our physical needs). Also, the things that fill us up will change too but if we don't stay in touch with ourselves we may not realise until its too late. We need to be aware of how to take care of ourselves emotionally and spiritually as this is what enables us to endure the downs (without them being monumental) and enjoy the ups.

So the one thing that is clear to me right now, is that I let my tank run completely and utterly dry. And once you do that it can be very, very difficult to turn things around. I could sit here and beat myself up about letting my life get to this point again. But that will ultimately get me nowhere and waste the precious energy I do have. So instead, I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and seek help to help restore or re-fill my tank and do my best to make sure I never let it get that empty again.

Switching thoughts....

2011-03-16T20:19:00.003+11:00

Today I had a moment of deep dark fear where my mind went to a not so great place. Its doing that a lot lately but today was the first time in ages that those thoughts were about my son. I was overwhelmed by fear about not being a good mum, not being enough for him, not being able to give him certain things, making decisions that might negatively affect him etc etc. From a logical perspective I know that all of these concerns are not founded in any reality, but sometimes I find it difficult to get myself out of that head space. And all afternoon I have been thinking 'What would I tell a friend if they came to me and said they had been thinking those things?'. What I would tell them is that loving your children is the most important thing. That they will remember the time they spent with you doing simple things. Like painting at home or chasing you in the park or stories at bedtime. We can't predict what will happen in the future and all you can ask of yourself is to do the best that you can do in each moment and each day. As parents, we will never be perfect. We will get it wrong, make mistakes, have our kids be angry with us - and the list goes on. But if we spend all of our time worrying about the 'what if's', we miss the 'what is'.

And 'what is' for me today was an adorable little being who is the love of my life. Who ran up to me when I picked him up at daycare. Who let me kiss him about a thousand times. Who sat next to me watching Two and a Half Men, Glee ads (his fave) and The Biggest Loser. Who checks my heart with his pretend doctors kit. And who always makes me wonder how I could ever have been so lucky to have a part in making such a wonderful little person.

Words of Beauty.....

2011-03-04T17:37:00.004+11:00

"Like the earth that carries us, the ground of our being moves so slowly we take it for granted. But if you should feel stalled, numb or exhausted from the trials of your life, simply slow your thoughts to the pace of cracks widening, slow your heart to the pace of the earth soaking up rain and wait for the freshness of the beginning to greet you."

"Regardless of how we may try to skip over or sidestep what we need to face, we humbly discover that no other threshold is possible until we use our courage to open the door before us. Perhaps the oldest working truth of self-discovery is that the only way out is through. That we are returned repeatedly to the same circumstance is not always a sign of avoidance, but can mean our work around a certain issue is not done".

Words by Mark Nepo from "The Book of Awakening" (via Danielle laPorte).

Some spiritual guidance.....

2011-03-03T21:12:00.004+11:00

A number of my friends, and I, have Oracle cards (anyone interested at all in Spirituality or Spirit Guides etc will know what I'm on about. For anyone who doesn't, oracle cards allow you to give readings that can initiate healing, give you messages about your life purpose, help you release fears and emotional blocks etc). There are lots of different kinds but this morning I was at my sisters house and decided to do a reading with her cards, which are Goddess cards. My question was around my next move in life and where to go to from here. These were the cards that I pulled:

Artemis - Guardian: "You and your loved ones are safe and spiritually protected". You have a sacred mission to spread love and light yet this isn't a position that comes from tension or worry. Instead, the gentle essence of a joyful heart and light hearted laughter sets your power into motion. So, ease your mind of all cares and concerns, and concentrate instead upon your holy mission. Possible meanings from this card could be your future is safe and secure; All your needs are being met and always will be; the worst is behind you.

Ostara: It is the perfect time for you to start new projects, access new ideas, and give birth to new conditions. You can paint a sunnier outlook within yourself, which will give rise to all sorts of new opportunities, since like attracts like. Feel more energised and powerful as you spruce up your inner and outer worlds. Then capitalise on your increased vigor by starting a new project that really makes your heart sing with excitement. Possible meanings of this card could be your desire will manifest in the spring time, which is any time the light increases in your mind and entire system; your new idea or venture will be successful; its an opportune time to make life changes.

Maeve: Know that this lull won't last forever. Seek support for dealing with emotional crises. A doorway of opportunity has opened up and you need to walk through it now.

I know deep down in my heart that what these cards are telling me is true. The situation I now find myself in and which I have orchestrated is here for a reason and is a huge opportunity for me to walk down a path towards truly discovering my life's purpose. What I'm struggling with is fear. I have a completely blank canvas on which to create anything I want with my life and my ego is throwing up fears ie money concerns, self doubt etc to prevent me from moving forward. I am reverting back to ways of being which I know do not serve me and which are making me miserable (and have done so for most of my life) but when faced with this enormous fear my mind is choosing this anyway because it is familiar which in the moment of fear feels better than the unknown - in that moment anyway). My challenge is to find the strength, skills and support to feel the fear but to keep moving through the door of opportunity anyway. Even though I don't know where I'm going, what I will do or where I will end up. The barrier that is in front of me is not a lack of money or even not having a job. Its myself and, more specifically, my thoughts. Once I can shift these, the rest will fall into place.

Oh Life....

2011-03-03T19:12:00.003+11:00

Today has been a day of hugely fluctuating emotions. From complete calm and motivation for engaging in activities that I love and working towards figuring out my life's purpose (no matter how scary or difficult) to a crying mess and bundle of fear who can't see a way out of where I am. (Stace, one day you will look back on this and praise the lord that you no longer have to suffer my tearful phone calls. Unfortunately I'm not quite sure exactly when that day is going to come). I have been following a few leads on jobs in a field that I had not considered and wasn't necessarily looking to be in, but out of fear of not having an income, I have been seeing where they led. Today the lead I had pretty much came to a halt (although they see the potential in me and really liked my enthusiasm and energy and have passed my cv on to the head of recruitment at this company). Hence afternoon melt down.....

I am definitely in a head space where I want to believe that the universe is taking me in the direction where I am meant to go. And that doors are remaining closed because they are not the ones I am meant to go through. However, my fear of not having an income is causing me to focus on the negative and to be stuck. Being fearful and overwhelmed is preventing me from having clarity, confidence in myself and the belief that I have the answers and ability to do anything I want. Believe me, I am working hard to flip my mind frame and do what I need to do to move forward positively, but its one step forward, ten steps back right now. Just when I think I've turned a corner my thoughts suddenly flip and I'm back where I started. Feeling anxious, fearful and alone.

The one thing I truly do know now is that I can't get through this period on my own. I have this thing where I think I have to come up with all the answers and not ask people for help or support. But right now, the one thing that I can recognise is that I absolutely need support. So tomorrow I will be going to see a friend of my sisters who works in oriental psychology/medicine and next week I am going to see my fave gal, Krista Jane. Until I can regain my self confidence and some momentum I need to enlist the support of people who can help. I'm looking forward to breathing a huge sigh of relief after speaking to both of these women.

Live for a time empty.....

2011-02-24T15:32:00.004+11:00

I haven't blogged in a while because my head feels so fuzzy and mixed up that I don't know how to describe anything. I mentioned in my last post that I was sitting in 'not knowing' and struggling with that big time. Well, I can report that I am still struggling with that and not feeling any closer to knowing where I'm going or what I'm doing. I spent the other week in Hawaii on a vacation by myself. It was something I felt compelled to do in order to have a true break (I haven't had more than 4 days in a row off for over 2 years). So I decided to do something I had never done before and went away on my own. I stayed at the Turtle Bay resort on the North Shore of Oahu. The resort was lovely and I did relax and rest and do nothing. But it was emotionally tough. I got lonely and felt lost and was sick of my own thoughts. Perhaps it was a combination of all the uncertainty I have brought into my life right now and the culmination of the past year's events - especially the separation from my husband and everything that comes along with that. I think the full impact of that time alone will continue to reveal itself over time. Right now I feel as though I needed to do it and go through the experiences and feelings I felt while I was there but right now I can't get beyond the uncomfortable sensations and feelings it brought up and part of me doesn't want to believe that that could be what the experience was about.

So now I'm back and my next step will be to find a new job (I finished at lululemon the day before I went on holiday). I think this is the first time I have ever been in a situation where nothing in my life is familiar and where I actually don't even feel it is my life. I fluctuate between knowing I've made the right decision in clearing out everything in my life to make room for new things and ways of being to come in, and having full on panic attacks where I can't believe I've willingly chosen to make myself sit in these feelings and experiences. (Admittedly I spend more time with my thoughts in the latter place). I'm questioning big time that this could actually be a place I am meant to be in and that this often excruciating feeling of uncertainty, loneliness and fear could really be where I am supposed to be and the true path to finding the life I truly want to live. Close friends of mine assure me that it is and that I need to just be aware that those feelings are there and trust that they will shift. I'm trying to have faith but am not too sure about it at all.......

I've been completing Christine Kane's Uplevel your life mastery program and in it she states that we need to 'live for a time empty'. This means we release the things that are no longer in alignment with who we are becoming. The release itself tells us who that is. The emptiness shows us the way. She also says that sometimes re-aligning your dreams and your soul can mean things get a little messy or even look like they are not working. Ummm, yep - I appear to be heavily entrenched in the things are looking like they are not working phase.

All I can do for now is continue to put one foot in front of the other, be kind to myself and keep having faith that I am exactly where I need to be and are supposed to be. I have taken the giant leap, am still in mid air and am trusting that the universe is going to catch me.

Not Knowing

2011-02-04T21:36:00.003+11:00

My note from the Universe the other day could not have been more on the money when it said:

Has "you not knowing how," Bel, ever stopped me before?

Has "you not knowing the way," ever kept it hidden from me?

Has "you not knowing when," ever stopped me from figuring it out?

Ever?

Ever, ever?

Or, Bel, do I revel in such freedoms?

The Universe

You see, right now, I'm sitting in a world of 'not knowing'. 'Not knowing' to an A-type personality like myself can be the definition of torture. Once upon a time I would have driven myself crazy or tied myself in knots trying to force things to happen in order to make the 'not knowing' disappear asap. But the Bel whose intention is to re-connect with her intuition is doing her best to accept that this is where I am right now and that the answer is not to force things. Instead, i am accepting what is and having faith that the universe will lead me where I need to go. The only way I can hear the signs though is to be still and take the time to listen. So that is what I'm doing. Despite resigning from my job and not knowing what I will be doing next, I am going to take a deep breath and let what will be, be.

Terrible twos.....

2011-01-27T19:30:00.005+11:00

Oh my word.... a certain little man has well and truly had me on an emotional roller coaster this week. It has been the week of 'the tantrum' in our house. Tantrums over having a shower (consequently his body has not been near a bar of soap in over 2 days), over not being allowed to empty a box full of rubbish all over the balcony, over having to go to daycare, over waking up in the morning, over everything really. You name it, we've had a tantrum over it. The shower thing killed me. A night or two I could deal with and just blow off but by the 3rd night I was determined to get him in the shower (after all, I'm an adult and he's a kid right?). I could not get his t-shirt off him for the life of me so my next thought was ok, I'll put you under the water with your t-shirt on if that's what I have to do to clean you. But then an image of my little man in a therapists chair saying "all my problems started the night my mother forced me in the shower with my clothes on" stopped me. My pleas of no-one will play with you at daycare if you're dirty went un-noticed (No, i didn't really think I could reason with a 2 year old in this way but once you reach a certain stage you just come out with stuff that you know makes no sense - you just try anything because you don't know what to do).

The pinnacle of frustration came one night where I was lucky enough to experience screaming and yelling accompanied by being told to do one thing and then being screamed at because I did the thing I had been told to do. It sounded something like this: "Go away mummy". I walk away from him. Increased screaming and yelling followed by "No, don't go away!" I walk towards him. "No, Go Away Mummy!!!!! After 30 minutes of this, I didn't know whether I was coming or going and was too scared to even breathe. I kept telling myself its all part of having a child and that its a phase, but that didn't change how emotionally draining it was. Particularly when it happened for a number of nights in a row. And just when I got my head around the fact that I was going to be the worst thing in the world and wouldn't be shown any love, a little red eyed, snotty nosed man said "I'm sorry Mummy" and the roller coaster ride began all over again......

Sunny Days....

2011-01-23T21:54:00.003+11:00

Another amazing day weather wise in Sydney town. I was lucky enough to spend the morning at Manly browsing in shops, having a coffee and reading on the beach. It was a hot day but there was a beautiful breeze that just made me feel as though all my energy was being cleared out... exactly what I needed. I'm making a point of getting outdoors and today just reminded me of what an amazing effect even a couple of hours in that environment can have. I'm thinking a holiday in the sun is much needed in the next few weeks.... Following my beautiful time on the beach was a session with my wonder gal, Krista Jane who helped me get some direction in regards to my next work move and left me feeling centred and hopeful as always (once again, if you're in Sydney, GO SEE THIS GAL!!!).

Was so excited to go and pick up my little man who had spent last night and today with my Dad and Step Mum but was promptly met with 'Go away Mummy!'. Clearly I am no match for nanny and pa. Fingers crossed I become lovable again over night.....

Thank you to the universe for a wonderful day nonetheless!

The dance of life.....

2011-01-22T11:31:00.004+11:00

Image by britamora via flickr

"The moment in between what you once were, and who you are now becoming, is where the dance of life really takes place"

Barbara De Angelis

The Awakening by Sonny Carroll

2011-01-14T20:57:00.006+11:00

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it..... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out 'Enough! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on". And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantel of wet lashes you begin to look through the world from a new perspective.

........ this is your awakening.
You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something or someone to change, or for happiness safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the "reality of today" rather than holding out for the "promise of tomorrow." You realize that much of who you are and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you've received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about :
- how you should look and how much you should weigh,
- what you should wear and where you should shop,
- where you should live or what type of car you should drive,
- who you should sleep with and how you should behave,
- who you should marry and why you should stay,
- the importance of bearing children or what you owe your family,

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin re-assessing and re-defining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect ,and that not everyone will love appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a "perfect 10".... Or a perfect human being for that matter... and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And, you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that it is truly in "giving" that we receive, and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of "creating" and "contributing" rather than "obtaining" and "accumulating."

And you give thanks for the simple things you've been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about - a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.

And you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors, including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you've learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships - how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally, and that not everyone will always come through... and interestingly enough, it's not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren't done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns - anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say "I was wrong" and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say NO. You learn that you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships, and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it's wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet "your" standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that "alone" does not mean "lonely" and you begin to discover the joy of spending time "with yourself" and "on yourself." Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know - Self Love. And so it comes to pass that, through understanding, your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn't change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you think you deserve, and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees, because you've learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you'll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time - FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears, because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you FAKE a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Looking Ahead....

2011-01-02T20:32:00.004+11:00

WHAT I AM GRATEFUL FOR FROM 2010:

That I had the strength to get through it - has been very tough emotionally and mentally.
That I had the support of my Mum and Step-dad (financially and emotionally).
That I had the support of Stace and that we have remained just as close throughout this year.
That I had the support of my other sisters.
That I had the support of my Dad and Step-Mum.
That I was the best Mum I could be to Bailey and put him first.
That I found my own place to live and I am happy there.
That I met and was able to work with some great energy healers and psychologists who have helped me greatly.
That Camille (my second niece) was born.
That I have my little man in my life.
Finding myself managing the store at Warringah Mall, which is where I needed to be this year for many reasons.
That both sets of Grandparents in my family have a wonderful relationship with Bailey.
That I have friends who have listened and advised me throughout the year.

WHAT I WANT IN 2011:

To feel excited and alive.
To be focused on me!
To live with intention; setting goals, consistently working on them, re-evaluating them and achieving them.
To continue to enrol the help of energy healers and professionals to work through areas of my life in which I am blocked.
To only choose to bring people and experiences into my life that make me feel excited and alive.
To move every day and to get outdoors each week.
To write in my journal each night to gain clarity about my thoughts and feelings, and to express and focus on things I am grateful for.
To be organised and intentional re the way I live my life (eg. pay bills on time, grocery shop regularly, exercise, take time out when needed).
To travel to India in September on Krista Jane's cultural yoga and meditation retreat.
To be clear about what I want in a future partner so that I can attract that into my life.
To be in a place where I truly love myself so that I can truly allow someone else to love me.

If your heart had a voice, what would it say?

2010-12-14T21:51:00.006+11:00

This is a question I came across in an article on Alison Miller's blog, Live Inspired. The crux of the article was that the vast majority of us do not give our hearts the attention they deserve, in the sense that we don't listen to them. In Eastern philosophy the heart is a storehouse of intelligence and insight, yet the heart is usually dismissed as being 'emotional' and we listen to our minds for guidance instead. The problem with this is that listening to the mind generally leads us to feeling scattered and confused - something I am present to more and more in my own life. More and more I am feeling the need for stillness, clarity and peace in order to really understand myself and to make decisions in my life that reflect who I want to be and how I want to live. But because I am still deferring to my mind instead of taking the time to listen to my heart, I cannot find the clarity, peace or stillness I seek.

If I know what I need to do, and know what is not working for me, then why do I continue to tread the same path you ask? (Just as I ask myself.....). Well, probably because listening to your heart requires one to be still. To meditate. To slow down and shut out all the other noise that is going on 24/7 in your head - and that is the challenge at hand for me. I would also hazard to guess that there is a part of me that doesn't want to face what my heart is actually saying.... that I'm scared to hear it and deal with the possible pain and emotion that will come along with it. Having said this, I am committed to going there because I know I won't be able to move forward and live a life I love until I can be open to being loved. Yes, that is my answer to the question at the start of this post. I have been still long enough in the past few weeks to hear that my heart has been saying for the past 26 odd years "I can't be loved. I'm different. No-one would love me unconditionally. In order to be loved or to receive love I need to give up something, to lose myself." I am currently working on how to change this belief because I want to be open to being loved and to experience being loved for exactly who I am, without the fear of losing myself in the process. I want the voice of my heart to speak excitedly, openly and freely. And so from this night onwards I am committing to making time each night before I go to sleep to sit quietly so that I can hear the gentle promptings and feel the intuitive feelings of my heart - to hear the voice of my heart and to be open to being loved.......

2010-12-10T21:37:00.001+11:00

"We must be willing to get rid of

the life we've planned, so as to have

the life that is waiting for us".

Joseph Campbell

Dare To Be.....

2010-12-10T21:30:00.002+11:00

When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.

When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.

When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.

When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.

When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.

When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.

When you're feeling tired, dare to keep going.

When times are tough, dare to be tougher.

When love hurts you, dare to love again.

When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.

When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.

When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.

When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.

When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.

When the day has ended, dare to feel as though you've done your best.

Dare to be the best you can-

At all times, Dare to be!

And so it begins.....

2010-12-02T14:57:00.002+11:00

This week really does mark the beginning of the rest of my life and my new journey. Amazingly, all the things I have been waiting for 7 months for and that have been draining my energy have happened or moved forward and I can finally step into 'my life'. Tomorrow I will no longer be the joint holder of a mortgage and will be financially independent. On Monday this week I went to look at the first apartment I considered renting, loved it and was offered it that night (anyone who has had any experience with the Sydney rental market will know that this is virtually unheard of). As of next Saturday I will move into the apartment which will be the first place ever in my life that has been just my home. I thought I might be hesitant or sad when it all finally came, but what i'm actually feeling is excitement. The excitement of being able to make decisions on my own, to not have to consider another person (apart from my little man of course) and to create my life as I choose. Bring it on!

Missing My Little Man....

2010-12-02T14:52:00.002+11:00

I dropped my Little Man at daycare this morning and won't see him again until Sunday morning. Some weeks I'm an exhausted Mum who welcomes the little bit of time to myself but this week I miss him to pieces already (Its only been 6 hours). I just want to drive to daycare and pick him up and listen to all the new things he says and laugh at how cute he is and kiss his little cheeks. Oh and that little voice saying "I love you mummy", before he goes to sleep - that is what I miss the most.

Baby Shower....

2010-11-29T09:02:00.004+11:00

Yesterday I attended my cousins Baby Shower. The newest arrival to our family is expected around Christmas. I just had to post some pictures from the afternoon because, as I expected, the event was beautifully styled and decorated. Such a gorgeous setting for a gorgeous cousin. Enjoy every minute of this time Em.......

Empowering Evening....

2010-11-29T08:43:00.002+11:00

On Saturday night I was fortunate enough to spend a few hours with an amazing woman named Krista Jane. She is an intuitive and natural healer who helps people identify their limiting beliefs and create a life they love. In my session with her she established with me what she could see as some of my issues and limiting beliefs and that is something i will definitely go back and see her again to work through. What we did do was look at ways to discover what you want from life, what your passions really are and how to bring those things into your life. I was with Krista for a few hours but could have spent a whole day with her she is that insightful, easy to be with and energising. I couldn't recommend her more and my sister and I have already decided to give each other a session with Krista each for Christmas. Her website is Empowering You - head over to get a further explanation of all the wonderful services she offers.

After the session I had burgers, fries and a beer on Manly beach with one of my very best lululemon buddies. A great, great Saturday night.......

Beautiful Day....

2010-11-22T18:33:00.003+11:00

What a day.....

Morning coffee and breakfast at the beach with my little man

Fun and more importantly quick grocery shopping

A 2 hour nap in the middle of the day

A run in Centennial Park

Playing at the playground with my little man

Yummy BBQ chicken dinner with a glass of rose`

Huggles from my little man

And.... MY FAVOURITE, ALTIYAN, WINNING X-FACTOR!!!!!

Letting Go.....

2010-11-21T20:56:00.004+11:00

So clearly 2010 has been a huge year of letting go for me. The biggest one being letting go of a marriage and a relationship that has spanned my entire adult life. A separation or divorce involving a child blurs the lines of letting go. You are letting go of a relationship in a certain form but there will never really be a letting go of that person in your life because your child still binds you together. I've really struggled with this because the early parts of separation are HARD. All that emotion and anger and bad places that can lead you to separation in the first place are still so in your face and all you want to do is cut the ties completely. So it takes a while to work through that and let those things go. Even when you make the decision amicably it doesn't mean you by-pass the hurt, the fear, the heartache, the confusion, the sadness and everything else that goes along with it (I think initially I had it in my head that because I chose this, I somehow wasn't entitled to feel these emotions. Crazy in hindsight......). Its been a tough 6 months up until now and the letting go process is still only in its early stages. But I am definitely feeling like I am stepping into a new place and moving into a phase where I can more clearly see how I can be the kind of person I want to be through this - both for myself and my son. Today marked one of the first steps in this process. Lachlan and I took Bailey to a birthday party together. We wanted to do this for Bailey so that he could have both of us take him to something that was for him and so we could both be a part of this and join the other Mum's and Dad's. I'm really grateful that we could do that for him and hope that it will lead to a lifetime of Bailey being able to have his Mum and Dad supporting him at all the special events in his life.

On the topic of letting go, the ever amazing Danielle Laporte has some very wise words which really resonated with me after today:

7 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT ACTIVE LETTING GO:

1. There's always more to let go of. It's endless and it's beautiful because it's endless. Just surrender to the endlessness of it.

2. Typically, letting go is painful – in varying degrees, from wince to damn near crippling, it's gonna hurt. Fact.

3. Hard leads to soft. Imagine ripping off a bandage; dropping an heirloom off at the thrift store and resolving to not go back to get it; kissing him or her that way for the last time and tearing yourself away because you need to grow in the other direction; boarding the plane with a heavy heart… When you steel the nerve to be tough enough to let go, you crossover over a sacred line. And on the other side, Tenderness is waiting for you, and She's very proud and she's very encouraging.

4. Baby steps are okay, but you can't avoid the pain that surfaces when you commit to the letting go. (See, you just can't get around the pain part.)

5. From the mundane to the monumental, letting go hurts. Always has, always will. (Yes, a repeat of #2. It bears repeating.)

6. Acceptance is medicine. When you just accept that the pain of letting go is part of the deal, your let-go wound will heal faster.

7. Out of, say, 123 people I've talked to about letting go of all sorts of stuff - material and emotional - 88% of them wished they'd done it sooner, and 97% of them have no regrets whatsoever. Only 3% are still confused. When you let go, the odds are in your favour.

Thought Of The Day....

2010-11-13T20:36:00.005+11:00

"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance, to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit". Dawna Markova

(via Enjoying The Small Things)

A Tear Jerker.....

2010-11-13T20:24:00.003+11:00

I just came across an amazingly heartfelt blog called "Enjoying The Small Things". I can't even begin to describe the impact of reading the post Nella Cordelia: The birth story. I wouldn't be able to do it justice so all I will say is that it truly makes you feel the power of love and you MUST head over and read it for yourself. (While you're at it, you should also check out Gwen Bell's blog which is where I discovered the link).

lululemon athletica greatness......

2010-11-13T15:02:00.004+11:00

I've just come home from spending a week in Melbourne where I have been helping to prepare and then participate in the lululemon athletica managers conference. This is the second one we have had in Australia and it was such an amazing thing to be a part of. We had 3 nights and 2 days of inspiration, sharing, laughter, tears and fun. I learnt some great things in terms of what I can take back to my team and from a management perspective - but more importantly, I took away learnings that go way beyond that. I learned that I have a voice that is heard and that people want to hear (I already knew this but receiving this feedback from so many people gives me the courage to keep being vulnerable and to keep sharing my story in the hope that it may bring some kind of comfort, support and/or inspiration to others). I also learned that I'm ready to start playing big again. I've been through a phase where I needed to lie low for a while and go day by day. I will still endeavour to take time to be with myself and to be present each moment, but its also time to set some new goals and get excited about the life that lies before me. What I actually enjoyed the most about the conference was being able to interact, connect and re-connect with all the beautiful and insanely fun people who are a part of our company. Being in stores and not all working out of the same place, let alone state, means that we don't all get to be face to face very often. So that aspect was brilliant - the feeling that you could walk into a seminar room and be excited to sit next to any of the 65 people there because they are all so great, is very special and is something that I'm sure is quite rare in most work environments.

Us 'out of towners' were also lucky enough to stay at the Blackman Hotel which is one of 3 hotels in the art series hotels (These boutique hotels feature the artwork of prominent Australian artists and are beautifully designed). The rooms were amazing, as you can see in the photos, and I was so lucky to be able to stay in one for a whole week.

What I am looking forward to now is seeing my Little Man again (a week is sooo long to go without seeing him), getting a new and improved weekly routine going where I make my physical and mental health a priority, and setting some new, inspiring goals that will help me to create my amazing life........

Thought for the day......

2010-11-06T08:34:00.001+11:00

Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realise there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. Lao Tzu

The sweet isn't as sweet without the bitter.....

2010-11-05T20:42:00.003+11:00

So I'm coming to the end of my 4 days of self-induced 'me' time. There are so many things that I've learned and have going on in my head after the past few weeks. Its amazing what some time and space can do. A week ago I hit one of the lowest lows I've had in a long, long time. Now I can say that I am out of that space (thank God). Taking time out has been the thing that saved me. I gave myself the space to be able to get clear on what was going on in my head and to be able to see where I need to make changes. Its time to treat myself as I would suggest anyone else treat themselves ie with care, compassion, love and forgiveness. I was expecting myself to be the greatest me I can be, but that was never going to happen because I wasn't giving myself what I needed. It was like expecting a car to run without putting in any fuel. I didn't give myself the space, time or permission to feel all the emotions that I need to feel as I go through a separation from my husband, as I figure out how to be a single mother, as I go through massive changes in every area of my life. I confused being 'by myself' and being 'with myself', and those two things are very, very different. Being with yourself involves letting everything else drop away, all the distractions and the doings that fill our lives, so that all thats left is you and your thoughts and feelings. It is an extremely confronting thing, particularly when you are coming up against strong and sometimes painful emotions. But it is an essential part of being able to work through things, learn what you need to learn about yourself and life and to ultimately move on to the next part of life's journey.

What I am also giving myself is clarity in regards to assessing and identifying exactly what I need to do for myself to fill my own tank - from ensuring I am eating well, exercising, meditating to stay in touch with myself, seeking help from health professionals when I need it and the list goes on. I had gotten myself to a point where my head was so full and the pressure I was placing on myself was so great that I didn't even have a clue what would really fill my tank-which ensured that I was never going to be able to fill it. Being able to fill my own tank is one of the most important things to me. I don't say that in the sense that you shouldn't ask others for help or draw strength from others when you need it - because you definitely should and I would never be where I am now in life if I hadn't. But I believe that ultimately true fulfillment and happiness stem from your ability to fill your own tank; to truly feel as though you are enough; to truly know yourself, love yourself and to be able to give yourself what you need. Then you really do know that you can face anything life throws at you and live to your full potential.

I am getting better and better at not making myself wrong for experiencing any of the things that I experience. I am human, just as everyone else is. We all have our days, weeks or months where we fall down and are not operating at our best. What I can do now is acknowledge it, own it, share it with others and learn from it. I dust myself off, pick myself up and keep on going. My experiences over the past few years have taught me that these breakdowns truly are a gift. When you are in the middle of the breakdown it can be very difficult and sometimes even impossible to see that any good could come from it and all you want to do is escape from the terrible feelings or situation. But the gift comes in the form of the breakthrough that you experience when you get to the other side. When the darkness clears and you are able to see things and feel things in a new way, when you discover you have a greater respect for yourself and what you are capable of doing, when you have greater empathy and compassion for those around you and a renewed commitment to living the most amazing life possible. That is the gift - the gift that can only be achieved by going through the breakdown in the first place.

"Your Mind Is The Mountain Before You"....

2010-10-31T21:07:00.003+11:00

I came across the quote "Your Mind Is The Mountain Before You" last night and it could not be more apt for me right now. I just read my last post and, sadly, not much has changed in regards to my state of mind since then. If anything I sank a little further and (hopefully) hit the bottom so that I can now come back up. What I'm coming to terms with is just how hard that is proving to be. When I went through post natal depression after I had Bailey, it was the most horrendous struggle to get out of it. And I think that because my life changed so much for the better and I learnt so much from it about myself, that I mistakenly believed that I would never get close to that again, or that I would somehow have the answer the next time one of life's challenges came my way. What floored me this week was the realisation that I don't have the answers in the slightest; that there is no guarantee that I won't go down that road again and that I am once again being tested as to how strong I actually am. Whilst I am definitely not in the pit of depression I was in 2 years ago, I can definitely see signs and symptoms of it in myself and that has been enough to scare the hell out of me. So this week I have been forced to acknowledge my struggle and reach out to those around me in order to get back on top of everything. I'm going to take a little time out to be kind to myself and give myself some space. Funnily enough, I had thought I was doing this all along but clearly I haven't been because I feel completely and utterly worn out and exhausted.

The other funny thing about reading my last post is that I referred to a guy on X Factor, Altiyan, who had really floored me with his singing. Oddly enough this week, I was standing on the side of the road and who should walk up beside me but him. What a small world.....

The Black Days....

2010-10-17T21:10:00.004+11:00

To be completely honest, I feel as though I have dragged myself through every inch of this weekend. Every ounce of my being seems to be screaming out "I've had enough, this is all too hard and I just can't do it anymore". Everything is a struggle, I feel weighed down and I can't seem to conjure up a feeling of joy in regards to anything. I do ultimately know that this will pass, because it does, but for some split moments this weekend I have really been questioning whether it will.

I didn't decide to write this post to depress myself (or anyone else) even further, but instead I wanted to share a piece of inspiration that just came to me. A tiny sliver, but nonetheless its something - and a sliver is sometimes all you need to get back on track. I was just watching X Factor, which Bailey and I watch every Sunday night. Some of the acts were good but the absolutely outstanding act was the final one. He is a guy who really has, up until now, seemed like the token odd ball of the competition that no-one was really sure of. But last week and this week it has been as if he found himself and his performances have been phenomenal. As I watched him I could feel a smile spread across my face and a lightness fill my heart that has been missing over the past few days. To be transported by someone who has so clearly discovered their gift and who is expressing so brilliantly the thing that appears to complete them is a very special thing to watch. And what it reminded me to do when I am in dark days is to seek out all of these people who exist in the world who inspire me, who live their passion, who love what they do and who have discovered what their gift to the world is - and use their strength and passion as my inspiration to hang in there and keep going, so that I can continue on my path to discovering my gift and get to live those moments where I am being the light and inspiration for someone else.

Old friends in new places....

2010-10-16T12:21:00.003+11:00

Today I was working in my store when a strangely familiar face walk towards me. After a split second I realised that it was one of my all time favourite students who I had taught when she was in high school. We haven't seen each other in over 5 years (scary how fast time goes). It turns out she works casually in the same mall as me. What was so great was how easily we reconnected and it reminded me of what I had loved so much about teaching; the connections and relationships I formed with these people who I spent more time with than my own family (and who spent more time with me than their own). This week I have struggled with the lack of familiarity in my life. Everywhere I turn nothing seems familiar and it has left me feeling sad, lonely and lost. But for 10 minutes today I was able to slip back into a time that was so familiar to me and that I will always feel so lucky to have had. The universe must have known that that was exactly what I needed today.....

Even silence has an end.....

2010-10-04T21:33:00.003+11:00

I'm currently reading the book "Even Silence Has An End" by Ingrid Betancourt. Ingrid was born in Columbia in 1961, educated in France and England and returned to Colombia in 1989 to become involved in national politics. She formed her own political party, Oxigeno Verde (Green Oxygen), and became a senator in 1998. She was a Colombian Presidential candidate when she was kidnapped by the FARC, who held her captive from 2002 to 2008. This book is is a reflection on Betancourt's time in captivity and on what it means to be human.

As I go through my own personal struggles right now, this book is a great reminder to me of the courage that we have and of just what the mind and heart can conquer and overcome (even when we think we have reached our limit). One particular quote so far has stood out for me. Betancourt says "When you're chained by the neck to a tree and deprived of everything... Well, it took me several years to realise, but you still have the most important freedom of all: that is, the freedom to choose what kind of person you want to be." I've been thinking a lot about this idea of choosing what kind of person you want to be. So many elements of my life are changing right now. Things are overwhelming, scary, sad, difficult and uncertain. I know that this is all part of the process to be gone through and I am trying to accept that I have to just 'be with' it all. I know that trying to fight it will not only drain me of any physical and emotional energy I do have, but will also deprive me of learning what I need to learn the most. Seems really easy to say here but its a daily struggle - every ounce of my being just wants to run and escape it all and get through it as quickly as I can. I do know that this is impossible and not the way it works. So I have to consciously choose each day to keep moving forward and facing whatever comes my way in the best way I can. I have my good and bad days (lately seems like more bad than good), but ultimately I do have faith that I will come out the other side. And no matter how difficult it seems and how hard it is, I know that the only person who can choose who I am going to be each minute, day and hour is me. So even in the face of feeling as though I don't even know who 'me' is, I will continue to make this choice over and over and over again.

Stealing Beauty....

2010-10-04T09:32:00.004+11:00

These ads for G star raw have been around for a while but lately I keep seeing them everywhere. Each time I go past one I cannot help but reflect on how beautiful Liv Tyler is.

Falling in love....

2010-10-02T08:24:00.003+10:00

Yesterday I spent a wonderful day shopping and hanging out with my sister, Stace. Now that we both have children (and that she recently had her second), the days of hanging out alone are few and far between. So this was a rare treat. Among some of my retail therapy purchases was bath and shower gel from the brand philosophy. The reason why I chose this particular bubble bath was because it is called "falling in love". At first I thought 'Ah, no thanks not exactly in that place right now', but as I looked closer I realised it was exactly what I needed. The quote on the bottle read:

philosophy: falling in love doesn't begin with falling in love with others. it begins with falling in love with ourselves. loving ourselves is healthy and as God intended. learn to deeply and fully cherish your heart, your soul and your body and only then will you understand what it is to truly love another.

I think everyone needs to "falling in love" bubble bath, don't you?

The Hardest Thing You'll Ever Go Through.....

2010-09-29T20:22:00.006+10:00

Image by the chesire smile via facebook

Today I went to see a psychologist so that I could talk through how best to support my Little Man in this huge transition. It was really great to talk through what's been going on and to just have someone objective to talk to. My family have been so helpful and supportive where they can be, but everyone has their own lives and issues and, at the end of the day, we are all just trying to figure this out as we go along. I got some great advice regarding Bailey but also a reminder of just how huge a thing this is for me to go through. Back when I went through the postnatal depression, that was obviously the hardest thing I'd ever been through. While I really do believe that event has given me the strength to face this one, I need to acknowledge just how huge what I am going through right now is. I am doing my best to keep it all in perspective but it is certainly overwhelming me at times. So it was refreshing to have a reminder from someone outside my 'everyday realm' remind me of what's important. ie:

My mental health. Without it, I can't be the best person for my son (or myself). I need to be able to think positively, make rational decisions and stay true to who I am and my values through everything. I must make it a priority to have some time out to devote to self care, to the things I enjoy, to what inspires me and to what brings meaning to my life. and to also just 'be' (I'm a chronic do-er; can't sit still.....).

My physical health. Exercising, eating well and getting enough sleep. I thought I was doing my best to be on top of these things but in all honesty, they are the first things that slip when I am under the pump and feeling low in time and energy (which then keeps that cycle going). For me a huge part of this is being organised, so its time to start locking all of these into my diary each week. (This also means letting go of guilt in the areas of life that may just need to take a back seat right now. Trying to do it all and stay on top of work, family, friends etc is also sapping my energy).

Take one day at a time and live in the moment. I am going to state that I have been waaaaaay better at this in the past year or so than I ever was prior to the postnatal depression. Having said that, it is a conscious choice I need to make and re-make each day (and minute really). What matters is what I am doing right now, and I need to keep from allowing my head to get too far ahead of me.

My Little Man. No, it isn't a mistake that he wasn't the first thing I listed and it doesn't mean he isn't the most important person in my world - because he is. But, if I don't have the things above taken care of, he will suffer. He is dependent upon me for everything and the only way I can support him through this time (and the rest of his life), is to support myself first. If I am anxious, over-whelmed, tired, sick, negative, sad etc etc, he will pick up on that immediately and will be negatively impacted.

So over the next couple of days I will be directing my thoughts to how I can better take care of myself and re-build my strength (I've been flattened by a virus over the past week, which has taken it out of me physically and mentally). Its time to keep it simple and take care of myself so that I can take care of the most precious Little Man in the world.......

Hello Old Friend......

2010-09-13T20:47:00.005+10:00

My poor little neglected blog. I think this is the longest time I've gone without updating you. Days turn into weeks in the blink of an eye right now. I'm also at a place in life where a million different things are fighting for my attention and I just can't do all of them. Anyhow, we do what we can when we can..... So to get up to speed with what's been going on for me, I've been in Melbourne a couple of times for work, which has been great. I've been taking on some training and development stuff and it feels so good to get back on my teaching path a little. In the next year or so thats the role I aim to be having at lululemon athletica, although I'm happy managing my store and team for now and soaking up everything I can to be great in that role before I move onto the next one.

I'm faced with challenges every day in regards to my family/personal life but just keep focusing on being the best me and mother I can be for my little man. The guilt of how my decisions could be affecting his life is getting to me a bit lately. I know that deep down I have made the best decision for myself, Lachlan and Bailey but that doesn't stop those 'what if?' thoughts entering your head. Last week was really emotionally draining for me as my little man cried every time I took him to daycare. I also found myself second guessing everything and wondering whether behaviour he was exhibiting was normal 2 year old stuff or whether the separation is affecting him etc. Boy, its tough..... All I can do is keep trying to do my best each day and trust that things will be ok.

On the note of trying my best, thats something thats been a real focus of mine in the past few weeks. I've read two amazing books that have had a huge impact on me. The first being "The Leader Who Had No Title" by Robin Sharma. Such a brilliant book about personal responsibility and being the CEO of your own life and whatever role you have, regardless of your 'title'. Really empowering stuff that makes you think about how you are choosing to live. I've recommended it to so many people and have added it to our library at work. The second book is "Linchpin" by the phenomenal Seth Godin. Its all about your choices, your future and your potential to make a huge difference in whatever field you choose. He discusses that there used to be two teams in every workplace: management and labour. But now there's a third team: the linchpins. These people invent, lead (regardless of title), connect others, make things happen, and create order out of chaos. They love their work and pour their best selves into it . Linchpins are the essential building blocks of great organisations and in today's world they are the people who will get the best jobs and the most freedom. I cannot agree more with Seth's views on society and the workplace and what really excites me is the fact that I work in a company who supports this view and that I recognise myself as a linchpin. As such, the only limits to what I can do in my role and in my life are the ones I put on myself. Anything is possible and I can make a difference in the world - and thats such an amazing way to look at your life and to live each day.

In the midst of sadness comes joy......

2010-08-29T21:31:00.003+10:00

Its a sad night in this household tonight. Why you ask? Because its the last night of Dancing With The Stars. I know some of you may have just done a double take or be thinking "What?". I've never really been an avid watcher of the show but somehow I got hooked on this series. In particular, I got hooked on watching Tamara Jaber. No doubt I really connected with the fact that she has been going through a separation from her husband at the same time as me (albeit a much more public one than mine). No matter what has been going on in her private life each week she has retained her dignity and still remained committed to a competition that would be daunting even if everything else in your life was going smoothly. To go through what is probably one of the hardest things you can go through and experiencing all the emotions that go along with that and still being amazing each week shows such a strength of character. In addition to that strength, what she has shown is that it is possible to find joy even in your darkest days (which is a lesson I have learnt before). The joy that she has been able to find in dancing is so obvious and I love being able to watch people doing something that they are passionate about and that they enjoy so much.

Which leads me to the thing or should I say person, who has brought me so much joy in my life no matter what else is happening. And that person is my little man, Bailey (or should I say my blonde haired, blue eyed Rastafarian!). No matter what else is going on for me when I think of him or see a photo of him or see his gorgeous little face, a feeling of joy spreads through me. If I'm having a tough day I think of him and all I care about in the world is being able to go home to him and hit a ball around and watch our shows and have him fall asleep with his little arms around my neck. No matter how low or sad I have felt over the past few months, I am constantly reminded of how extraordinarily lucky I am to have been blessed with this amazing little man to take care of. At times, it really hits me that I don't get to have my little boy living with me every day and I miss him like crazy. But when this happens I try to focus on making every minute I have with him count and I never take any of them for granted. I love him with all my heart and my greatest wish in the world is that I can be everything he deserves and more.

Feeling good....

2010-08-22T20:07:00.002+10:00

The past couple of days have been great for me. The weather here in Sydney town has been AMAZING. Today my Little Man and I went for a long walk then met my family for lunch to celebrate my Mum's birthday. We then hung out with my family (and got to see my new baby niece, Camille). I know there is still alot of hard work and ups and downs coming my way amid this separation from my husband, but I've finally found a little space to breathe and enjoy the simple things in life again. I have to say I'm so grateful for my family and the support they have all given me, as well as my lululemon family - I would never have been able to get through all of this without them. I'm very, very lucky.......

My Colombian Death.....

2010-08-19T18:34:00.004+10:00

I've just started reading this book and I can hardly put it down. What's even more satisfying is the fact that it didn't cost me any money (I have joined the library in order to support my reading addiction as my bank balance can no longer keep me in the literary manor to which I had become accustomed)!

Matt Thompson travelled to Columbia in 2006, in search of the life he 'might' have lived. Once upon a time his father was offered a post which would have taken the family to Bogota, but he turned it down because it was too high risk. Instead they came to Australia - low risk, and the land that nearly drove Matt to a slow death from boredom.

One day Matt quits his job as a journalist and decides to go and experience life in a country that is possibly the most dangerous in the whole world. This is the story of what happened next.

Attitude of Gratitude and the Apple Man....

2010-08-19T10:44:00.002+10:00

Last week I purchased a usb modem from Optus. What should have been a simple procedure to install turned into over an hour long phone call last Friday night with Optus tech support (who says I don't have a raging social life?), which ended in them telling me they couldn't do anything and I would need to take it to an apple store. So today I went into the Apple store at Bondi Junction where I got to spend another hour of my life trying to sort this out. Eventually we rang Optus tech support from the apple store to discover that whoever I spoke to last week had not asked a particular question which should have come at the start of the conversation and, as such, had done one simple step incorrectly. Evidently, I could have had my internet working a week ago, didn't need to spend an hour on the phone to them last Friday night and definitely hadn't needed to go to an Apple store at all today on my precious day off.

Ordinarily my frustration and anger levels would have sky rocketed at this point and all of my focus would have been on the wasted hours of my life and huge inconvenience I had experienced with this process. However, I have been practicing an "Attitude of Gratitude" recently and this changed my whole reaction. My focus shifted to what I was grateful for in this situation. And that, primarily, was the interaction I had with the guy who served me at the Apple store (which would never have occurred has Optus not sent me on a wild goose chase). From the minute I walked into the store, this guy (whose name I sadly cannot remember) was so friendly, helpful and understanding. Seriously, the poor guy sat with me for over an hour for no real reason. We chatted about how great it is to work in places where we love going to work in the morning, he emptied the trash can on my computer, he got me the stores phone to call Optus on and said 'no problem whatsoever' that he had essentially been hanging out with me for an hour for something that really had nothing to do with my apple computer after all. So instead of leaving angry and bothered, I could laugh at how crazy the whole thing was and be grateful to have experienced the kindness of a stranger on this beautiful day. On the flip side, the Apple guy had a pleasant morning with me instead of one where he could have ended up bearing the brunt of my frustration and annoyance. So next time you are in a challenging situation, think "Attitude of Gratitude" and see what happens......

Gogo Mama....

2010-08-13T20:48:00.004+10:00

Another big week. (It feels as though there is no such thing as a quiet or slow week anymore!). I had the opportunity to go to Melbourne to run some training for work, which was great since one of my goals is to move into a training and development role with lululemon. It was so much fun to work with and see lulu peeps from other parts of the country and to have a change of environment, even for two days.

I know I've been a bit quiet on the old blog front lately but all the things that are going on for me right now are draining me big time. So apart from working and trying to get through each day, there hasn't been much energy left for anything else. I can say that I'm reading a great book at the moment called "Gogo Mama" by Sall Sara. It is a journey of discovery into the lives of 12 very different African women. They include the survivor of a brutal attack by Ugandan rebels; an escapee from slavery in Ghana; Zanzibar's most famous living diva; a former child soldier from Liberia; a grandmother fighting AIDS in South Africa; and a pioneering midwife from Timbuktu. While these stories are heart breaking there still manages to be a sense of hope and spirit in them and its a great reminder for me right now that even though it feels as though things are quite dark in my life right now, it is nothing compared to what so many others in the world go through.

Birthday Party Fun!

2010-08-04T21:24:00.006+10:00

A Little Man and His Fairy Bread

Me with the light of my life

My niece - watch out for her, NIDA is calling!

Images courtesy of my cousin Emma, who, as usual, saved the day with her photography skills. x

One step forward, three steps back.....

2010-08-04T20:24:00.003+10:00

Tonight I've been seeking guidance from life coach and author Cheryl Richardson on how to help circumvent the emotional battering that I am experiencing going through the separation from my husband. I know that logically I will get through this and it won't be as draining as it is right now, but at this time I am so over the backwards and forwards and emotional rollercoaster.

Cheryl offers some interesting advice. In an article of hers she recommends asking yourself the question "If this person was sent here to teach me a lesson about myself, what would that be?". By being objective in this way you can identify lessons, life skills or qualities of character that need to be developed as a result of your interaction with this person. I can say that in my case I am learning to trust my feelings and instincts, to stand up for myself, how to set boundaries and how to back up these boundaries with action. This is a huge work in progress for me and right now I feel like its one step forward, three steps back. But I'm having faith that putting one foot in front of the other and persevering will eventually get me to where I need to be. (In saying this, it isn't about being right or wrong, its about being aware of what is true for me and having integrity around what I am or am not willing to accept in my life).

Another thing that Cheryl touches on that really resonates with me is the idea that seeing your partner as a positive catalyst for change for yourself doesn't mean you don't have a right to feel anger or pain. In actual fact it is important to vent your powerful emotions when they come up, before continuing to do any work on gaining a new perspective. I worked this one out for myself about a week and a half ago, when it dawned on me that not allowing myself to express these feelings was actually doing me more harm than good and would prevent me taking proper care of myself. Cheryl suggests that being willing to express all of your feelings is a vital act of extreme self care and I couldn't agree more. Other examples of things that you can do to express all your feelings and take care of yourself are:

Making sure you have a safe place to vent the full expression of your feelings-and it cannot be your ex. Finding someone you can trust who will listen without offering advice or hooking into the drama is recommended eg a colleague, friend, therapist, spiritual advisor etc. The purpose is for you to give yourself a place to express your feelings so that you don't incite a lot of problems.
Make a list of self-comforting strategies, all those little things you can do to make yourself feel nurtured, comforted and safe. It could be taking a warm bath, having a great book beside your bed to escape with on a regular basis, renting a movie etc. Initially I shied away from tears because I wanted to keep going and to be strong. However, as Cheryl suggests, crying is the soul's way of communicating with us and it helps to move through the healing process more efficiently and effectively (believe me my soul has definitely begun communicating with me!).
Identify a strong ally who can prop you up and fuel your courage. It needs to be someone less emotional than you, who has a reputation for standing up for themselves eg a lawyer, colleague or friend. This person can help you to see when you need to take a stand for yourself.

Looking at these strategies, I am grateful that I can say I have most of, if not all of these in place. My family have also been amazing in being there for me and being patient with me through all the ups and downs. I know its not easy for them to see me going through this either. Identifying a strong ally has been the hardest thing for me to do because standing up for myself is my area of opportunity-I have found this person though (once again with the help of my Mum and sister). I also have some amazing friends and work colleagues who allow me the freedom to go through whatever I need to, whenever I need to and who encourage me every day to be true to myself and to believe in myself.

Even though I have these strategies at my disposal all the time, when you're emotions are charged and your sadness, anger and frustration is so great you think they will overwhelm you, it can be hard to think clearly about what to do to get you through. So having a list to refer back to is quite a good idea. For now I'm off to escape into a bubble bath followed by some meditation.......

To Live....

2010-08-01T20:46:00.002+10:00

"To Live - to live as though each day, each moment, each passing hour is a blessing, and an opportunity to live a great life, a life in full volition and command of my personal power, but with reverence for the unknowable. That, I believe, is a good life, a life well lived...."

Chief Tecumseh Shawnee Nation Statesman via The Happiness Project

A "Thrilling" Sunday....

2010-08-01T20:19:00.003+10:00

Today I got to do something out of the ordinary and attend a Dance Workshop where we learnt a section of the dance from Michael Jackson's Thriller film clip. (It was organised as a goal party for the lululemon team from the ivy store as a reward for our hard work in April and May. As I was still there then, I got invited as well, which was wonderful). It was lots of fun and so great to do something that I don't normally do, ie dance classes or workshops.

The class was followed by lunch in Surry Hills and a chance to catch up with my lululemon gals again (always a pleasure). What I particularly savoured about the day was the chance to see Desirae (a Canadian lulu who we have had the pleasure of having in Oz for the past few months). She is heading home shortly which will be wonderful for her but sad for us. She wasn't with us for a long time but boy has she left a huge impact on me. For someone her age, she possesses such a strong sense of who she is, and is true to that each and every day. I feel so lucky that I was able to have her brilliant light shine on me and that I could play a part in her adventure in Australia. I admire her positivity, her enthusiasm for life and her ability to find and share joy in everything. I have no doubt whatsoever that she will succeed at whatever she puts her hand to in the rest of her life's journey. Today she paid me the ultimate compliment - she told me that she thought my guest experience at lululemon was phenomenal and I was floored. For anyone who has met Desirae, she is the epitomy of amazing lululemon guest experience, so I want her to know how much her words meant to me. Have a safe journey home my lovely. x

The yin and yang.....

2010-07-30T21:54:00.003+10:00

A day of stress, chaos, depletion, emptiness, inadequacy, overwhelm, sadness, frustration. A night of calm, peace, compassion, softness, kindness, love and warmth. Thank you yin yoga class - you saved me today.

How much do I love you? Let me count the ways....

2010-07-30T08:08:00.005+10:00

To My Dearest Little Man,

On the eve of your second "Happy Birthday" (as you call it) I wanted to record all your amazingness and convey just how much you fill my heart with joy. Even though your independence is challenging your mummy alot lately (trying to get you to understand that you do not require a hair straightener at this stage of your life is a daily battle), I love that you have a fiery spirit and a will to learn and do things for yourself (those Leo characteristics really are shining through right now!). When you wrap your little arms around my neck to huggle me as you go to sleep, my heart bursts. When you sneak into my bedroom and climb up onto my desk to get chocolate, I laugh at how sneaky you are. When you make me do duets with you singing the theme song to Two and a Half Men, I can sing a rainbow, and Baa Baa Haveeanywool (your pronunciation, not mine) into our makeshift microphone, I want the moment to last forever (even though there are only so many times a person can sing Men men men men manly men men men over and over again without going insane). You are really coordinated at hitting and throwing, although our apartment and furniture are bearing the brunt of your need to throw everything, regardless of whether it should be thrown (ie throwing the tv control at the tv is never going to end well). You love horses, particularly saying "Horse Poo" (I blame your father). My favourite time of the day is when I come to daycare to pick you up and you see me and proclaim "My Mummy!" and run to me - breaks my heart every time.

There are so many other wonderful and funny things I could tell you about yourself here, but I would be here all day. So I will finish up by saying you are the most magical person who ever came into my life and I am so privileged that you chose me to be your mummy. I will always be here to love you and support you and that will never ever change. I can't wait to have an amazing Happy Birthday Party with you tomorrow. x your mummy

Today I am Grateful For....

2010-07-30T07:00:00.003+10:00

Having the time to get some 'life admin' done.

Doing an extremely sweaty Power Yoga class.

Getting some hot new lululemon gear.

Receiving the cutest gifts from a friend who has just returned from a trip to Japan.

Inspiring conversations with people on my team and different guests at work.

Having 1 sleep to go before my Little Man's 2nd Birthday!

The lulu's have my back.....

2010-07-25T07:52:00.003+10:00

What better way to begin your process of standing in your own power than by surrounding yourself with your amazing gal pals? I got the opportunity to do this last night, with 7 of my bestest lululemon girlfriends. We had a dinner together at one of our houses as part of a farewell to our lovely Sue. As I sat at the table and listened to them speak I stopped to appreciate how lucky I am that these women have come into my life and how grateful I am to each and every one of them for what is is that they give to me through who they are. I know that I have the strength to take myself through whatever will come my way, but it sure does help to know that your lulu's also have your back. Much love to each and every one of you. x

P.S. Kimmy Kimmy I am holding you to going on Master Chef - you are a cooking genius!

Revolt

2010-07-23T15:44:00.003+10:00

My lack of posts in the past week is due to illness. My body is in revolt it seems. The flu, followed by tonsilitis followed by the current sinus infection (Never had one of these before and Good Lord, never, ever want one again). I firmly believe that all the trapped emotions that I have been experiencing due to my current life situation have blocked the flow of energy in my body and it is quite simply telling me this cannot go on. My body knows it and I can also say that, finally, my mind knows it too. This week sooooo many light bulbs have been turning on for me and I will definitely be sharing them here as soon as I can drain my sinuses (oh, did I mention that the best way to clear your sinuses is to have hot, steamy showers and that the shower in the apartment has been broken for the past week? Kind of sums everything up at the moment......!). Seriously, the univerese is definitely telling me "You are in a bad place and its time to stand in your power to get you to where you need to go". Stay tuned for 'Operation Power'...........

The Manifesto of Encouragement...by Danielle Laporte

2010-07-16T20:18:00.003+10:00

right now:

there are Tibetan Buddhist monks in a temple in the Himalayas endlessly reciting mantras for the cessation of your suffering and for the flourishing of your happiness.

Someone you haven't met yet is already dreaming of adoring you.

Someone is writing a book that you will read in the next two years that will change how you look at life.

Nun's in the Alps are in endless vigil, praying for the Holy Spirit to alight the hearts of all of God's children.

Someone wants to kiss you, to hold you, to make tea for you. Someone is willing to lend you money, wants to know what your favourite food is, and treat you to a movie. Someone in your orbit has something immensely valuable to give you - for free.

Something is being invented this year that will change how your generation lives, communicates, heals and passes on.

The next great song is being rehearsed.

Thousands of people are in yoga classes right now intentionally sending light out from their heart chakras and wrapping it around the earth.

Millions of children are assuming that everything is amazing and that it will always be that way.

Someone is in profound pain, and a few months from now, they will be thriving like never before. They just can't see it from where they're at.

Someone who is craving to be partnered, to be acknowledged, to ARRIVE, will get precisely what they want - and even more. And because that gift will be so fantastical in its reach and sweetness, it will quite magically alter their memory of angsty longing and render it all "so worth the wait."

Someone has recently cracked open their joyous, genuine nature because they did the hard work of hauling years of oppression off of their psyche - this luminous juju is floating in the ether and is accessible to you.

Someone, just this second, wished for world peace in earnest.

Someone is fighting the fight so that you don't have to.

Some civil servant is making sure that you get your mail, and your garbage is picked up, that the trains are running on time and that you are generally safe. Someone is dedicating their days to protecting your civil liberties and clean drinking water.

Someone is regaining their sanity. Someone is coming back from the dead. Someone is genuinely forgiving the seemingly unforgivable. Someone is curing the incurable.

You. Me. Some. One. Now.

All I have to say is 'Wow'. Read Danielle Laporte's blog today. It will change your life.

Crazy Busy Week....

2010-07-15T20:01:00.002+10:00

A crazy busy past week for me. I am now actually sick, which is probably no surprise given how busy I've been (and that the little man has also been sick). This morning my lululemon team and I went to a 6:15am power yoga class at Power Living so we could propose to a potential ambassador. For anyone who doesn't know, every lululemon store has Ambassadors who are yogi's or PT's etc who are guru's in their field. They are like an extension of the lululemon family but they don't actually work in the store. Anyway, today's potential Ambassador said yes, which is awesome because she is amazing. If anyone who is reading this has the chance to check out Tobie's class at Power Living Manly, you should! The class was followed by a staff meeting and then me dashing off to work to open the store. A productive morning but I've now reached my threshold and am going to take the next two days off due to sickness. Time to slow down and get over this flu/chest infection thing I have had going on all week.

This has also been a huge week of realisations for me (to be honest most of my weeks lately have been full of mental challenges and lessons). For the past two weeks I've been a person I don't want to be and this week I realised that it was all due to fear. Whilst fear is not something we can eliminate from our lives, it is something that can be transformed depending upon our reaction to it. Last week I let it get the better of me and slipped back into my 'act'. I reverted back to being the Bel who questioned or even denied her strength, and I let everything get on top of me. I knew that I was sabotaging myself and letting myself down right when I needed to take a stand the most. Luckily for me, the universe conspired to help me recognise this in the form of some very inspiring e-magazines on fear and, primarily, through an amazing email from my sister. The change in my twin sister over the past few months in particular has been so great. She was great before this but recently, she has just made such awesome progress in terms of looking after her own mental, spiritual and physical health. This is reflected in how grounded she is and in what she is able to give to others (particularly when she is 9 months pregnant and no-one would expect her to have anything to give). If anything though, she has been my rock over the last 3 months or so and I am basically in awe of her. She also suffered from postnatal depression with her first child but rather than letting this weigh on her the second time around, she has been so proactive in doing yoga and meditation and getting acupuncture etc. She acknowledges that the fear is there but rather than letting it get the better of her, she has asked herself what she can do to turn the situation around and has used this as an opportunity to learn something and to grow. So even though there will be some fear within her, she has control over it, and that makes all the difference. I don't know whether the postnatal depression will elude her this time (though obviously I'm praying for her that it will). But what I do know is that whatever happens, she is going to get through it, she will continue to be an amazing mother and that I will be right by her side every step of the way. Much love sis. x

Become Incredible.....

2010-07-07T20:27:00.005+10:00

image by rogvon via flickr

The GM of Store Operations for lululemon athletica Australia has offered to mentor/coach me. I feel really privileged that she is giving up part of her already ridiculously busy life to include me in it in this way. One of the first tasks she asked me to complete was a questionnaire regarding my life and different aspects of it, which really required me to think quite hard and challenge myself to go deeper in some areas. She is so great though because she doesn't let me 'get away' with anything and will call me on things, especially when I'm being mediocre.

The second thing I have done is to read a book called "Become Incredible" by internationally acclaimed self-made millionaire, Jordan Wirsz. There were some great exercises in the book to to get me clear on what motivates me and the 'whys' that are behind my passions in life. Part of this process involved me writing my mission statement. It felt so good to get back on track with this, as I have been missing having this strong sense of 'me' and how I want to live my life. So here is my mission statement. I'm putting it out into the universe because speaking it makes it real. Also, feel free to hold me accountable to being the person I describe here!

I, Bel Youll, choose to live my life being the most amazing person I can be each and every day. I am unique, creative and powerful and I am destined for greatness. I am a leader who leads by example at all times and I use my talents to inspire and empower people all over the world to live their lives to the full. I am a strong female role model for my son and I am the possibility of unconditional love and inspiration for everyone around me. I choose to live my life with passion and positivity and I love every minute of my extraordinary life.

The Shift That Makes A Difference.....

2010-06-28T20:24:00.003+10:00

Enlightened society happens one by one...You shift. I shift. My neighbour shifts. Someone in Angola shifts. A person in Russia shifts, someone in the Philippines shifts. A gang member shifts. A Parliament member shifts. A mother shifts. A child shifts. A news commentator shifts. A prisoner shifts. A warden shifts. A homeless person shifts. Once you realise this, peacefulness and a deep respect for human beings are natural. The help that's needed is to help each person shift, and as they shift, they help the rest of us shift, too. There is no real recipe, except working with what the world presents from the point of view of basic goodness, compassion, and courage. The key is never to make a separation between your practice and your everyday life. - Cynthia Kneen (Author of the book "Awake Mind, Open Heart").

I like to think that my blog is one of those things that will help everyone shift. I hope you do too.

A House With Four Rooms....

2010-06-28T19:56:00.004+10:00

Susannah Conway had a quote on her blog recently that really grabbed my attention:

'There is an Indian proverb or maxim that says everyone is a house with four rooms, a physical, a mental, an emotional and a spiritual. Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time, but unless we go into every room every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person'. - Rumer Godden.

This quote has really captured my imagination this week as I am feeling very much like my whole being needs to be spring cleaned and aired (even though we are currently in winter!). This need is linked to my desire to create space for the next phase of my life. Right now I can't seem to create that space though. I feel like I'm running on the spot and not getting anywhere. I know what I want to do but I don't know where to start. Perhaps creating a vision for each of my 'four rooms' would be a good place to start......

Letting the Kindness In....

2010-06-23T20:27:00.004+10:00

I've been struggling of late with the need for some 'space of my own' and time to myself. So on Sunday night I decided to go to a Yin yoga class so that I could still my mind and have some time to myself. Often on Sunday night I would end up putting whatever needed to be done at home first but I committed to going and I'm glad I did. I had what you might call a 'breakdown' of sorts. Not a huge noticeable thing to anyone else but definitely something noticeable to me. While we were doing a certain pose the instructor (a lovely man who has taught some classes for me at lululemon) walked around the room and assisted people where it was needed. I'm not the most flexible of people so needless to say, when it came to frog pose I needed a little help. Anyway, he put his hand on my back to help me and next thing I knew I felt tears rolling down my face. This simple act of kindness and assistance may not have really registered for me much at all in the past. But on Sunday night it had such a huge impact on me. My husband and I are separating (this has been one of the huge changes I have been alluding to over the past weeks/months but I haven't really been able to write directly about it up until now). Its something that I know is the best thing for us and our little man but that doesn't make it any less hard. I've been trying to be really strong about it all and to keep myself together but this week I'm really feeling the weight of it all. I've been trying so hard to hold myself up but this really reminded me that I need to just be kind and compassionate with myself and it's ok to acknowledge that its hard.

A Great Day.....

2010-06-16T20:33:00.002+10:00

Despite a very early start to the day, it was such a great one for me. Productive and motivating staff meetings with my team, Australia wide lululemon conference calls, a lovely interview with a potential employee, a quick visit to Manly beach, my first Power Yoga class at Power Living Manly (which I really enjoyed). All followed by dinner, ice-cream and laughs with my buddy Chels. Can't ask for anything more really.....

Life is like an Avocado......

2010-06-14T19:40:00.005+10:00

Tonight I came across the following post by Julie Lee Yoga

So often, we aren’t yet ready to fulfill our fate. What is it that renders us unable to reach out, to open up, to let go? What is it that holds us back from being all that we are meant to be? It is in each and every one of us to be great. When we try to force things - in ourselves, in others, in our lives - that aren’t ready to manifest themselves, all we do is create a lose-lose situation. Sometimes, we have to accept the fact that we just aren’t ripe enough.

So, what do we do? For ourselves, we take on the practice of yoga, so that we can learn how to soften and ripen within our respective situations. We can begin to open our eyes to the lessons that arise in our everyday lives. And perhaps most importantly, we can begin to nurture our souls and allow ourselves time to grow, naturally - because sometimes, that’s all we need.

Sometimes I am completely blown away by how I manage to stumble across random writings that are so relevant to issues that I am pondering in my own life. I would agree that right now I am not ready to fulfil my own fate. I get terribly frustrated when I think about this because it makes me feel as though I am lacking in some way or don't measure up. (I know deep down that this is an utterly ridiculous response or feeling to have, and one that will not do me any good, but thats just how it is, so I'm being honest). I have been dwelling on this alot lately because I want to discover what my fate is and to work out what is holding me back so that I can uncover all my greatness.

After reading Julie Lee's words, however, it struck me that it's time to change my course. Why am I so hell bent on 'fulfilling my fate?'. Why am I in such a hurry to get 'there', wherever 'there' is? I don't know the answers to these questions but what I do know is that I'm not ripe enough, but thats ok. Being so focused on the end result will prevent me from being present to the process of ripening, which is ultimately where our greatness manifests itself or becomes apparent. So I'm letting go of my need to know and to move forward. I'm surrendering to the here and now and trusting that my path will lead where I am meant to go, in due time and course.

And on that note, I'm off to practice yoga.......

kikki k.......

2010-06-13T08:09:00.009+10:00

I have been lusting after the following items from kikki k, which is one of my faves. kikki k is an award winning retailer offering unique gifts, gorgeous stationery and organising tools in Scandinavian designs. If you haven't come across this shop you must visit asap (stores are in Australia, New Zealand and Singapore but there is also an online store).

Cirkus Collection:

Resa Collection:

(Resa means 'travel' or 'journey' in Swedish).

21.5.800.....

2010-06-12T19:30:00.003+10:00

Tonight I've become a 21.5.800 member. What's that you ask? Well, Bindu Wiles has created an online space called 21.5.800. The idea behind it is that for the next 21 days we commit to doing yoga on 5 days each week and write 800 words per day. What a great idea! The writing can be anything from a letter, to an essay, a blog post, anything you like. What's great is that Bindu offers a topic for us to focus on each day on her website, so if you feel stuck for ideas (as I sometimes do), you can look to her for inspiration. She even prompts you with questions which is great. (I found out about this group via the ever-amazing Susannah Conway btw. She never ceases to amaze me with all the phenomenal women she is connected to).

Today is actually day 4 of the program (I'm a late starter) so I will attempt to catch up on the earlier topics as I go along. The topic for day 4 is "FEAR".

The role of fear in my life is something that I have uncovered a lot about in recent years. I can completely and utterly see that fear has governed much of my decision making and life choices and, in turn, has really inhibited my ability to live life to the full. I'm not entirely sure how I came to be that way, although I'm fairly sure it was a behaviour that I observed growing up. It is something many of us become so conditioned to that we don't even realise we do it and we are actually blind to any other way of being.

As Bindu Wiles says, our feelings about a situation can often feel so intense that we think they might kill us. So in order to avoid these scary feelings or fear, we act out in ways that we think will make us feel better. We might threaten people, tell them how and when to do things, pull a power trip on someone, etc etc. This may make us feel better for a short while but in the end it never truly works. In acting this way we are not dealing with our fears but are in fact just projecting them onto someone else and then they feel afraid. And the cycle continues.....

What we ultimately need to do is to get to the heart of the fear and confront what it is trying to teach us. Fear is an emotion that does not just come from nowhere. It is a signal to us that something isn't right, or that we need to take care of ourselves in a certain situation. When you look at it from this perspective, fear is not something we should avoid but rather something we should confront and deal with.

I would say that the single greatest fear that I have carried around with me for most of my life is the fear of failure. I have always been super conscious of failing at something. The effect of this has been that I always look for the 'safest' option or weigh everything up to the nth degree before making a decision. Sure, in some areas of life this has been the smartest approach. But at the same time it has prevented me from stretching myself and growing as much as I could, and from simply enjoying myself. The pressure that you place on yourself when trying to prevent failure is enormous and really is a burden.

Anyway, lucky for me I have been able to confront this and work on changing my way of thinking. As I have mentioned before, my experience with post natal depression was the catalyst for this change in thinking. I realised that I didn't want to look back on my life and regret playing it safe all the time. I needed to start following my heart as much as my head so that I could feel as though I was truly 'living' my life. So instead of asking myself 'what is my safest option?' in certain situations, I would ask myself 'What would I attempt to do if I knew I couldn't fail?'. This had such a positive impact on my life and its one of the single greatest changes I have made in the way that I live my life. I asked myself this question before changing my career (a move which I have never had second thoughts about) and ended up working for a company whose manifesto reads "Do one thing a day that scares you". Too cool.

The power behind confronting our fears and dealing with them is the fact that we step outside our comfort zones. We find out what we are truly capable of and this is how we achieve growth and come to truly know ourselves. Confronting our fears actually makes them smaller or eliminates them altogether. And it isn't about whether we succeed or fail in whatever we attempt. It is about what we do with that success or failure that matters and either way we learn valuable lessons.

9 Things I Have Learnt The Hard Way...

2010-06-04T20:12:00.004+10:00

I was tagged by Katiegirl over at The Life and Times of an Ordinary Girl. So here's my list of 9 Things I Have Had to Learn The Hard Way:

Everything I need in order to have an amazing life already exists within me: Its taken me about 31 years to truly believe this one. I've always believed in myself to a certain extent but for the most part I was always looking for fulfillment and validation from other people and outside of myself. So many years of living in a torturous world of self-consciousness and doubt....... such a waste!

Everything is as it is meant to be, right now: I spent most of my life carrying around this feeling and thought in my head that 'something is wrong here'. Its how most of us are conditioned to think in our society. The problem is your view of life becomes one where you are always needing to fix or change something, rather than just 'being'. I've really tried to change my way of thinking over the past few years and I am now nowhere near as hell bent on trying to create this 'ideal' life (which of course doesn't exist!).

Life is now: Life is not some thing that will start when we get around to it, or when some circumstance changes, or when we get that certain job or buy that certain house etc. My head has been in the future (which is a place which doesn't really exist) and I have always been so concerned with getting to the next place that I didn't realise my life was actually passing me by. As soon as I learned to be present and to find joy in the simple things and to live each moment, my life completely changed (for the better).

I have the strength and courage to be able to handle whatever comes my way: It as taken some long periods and a battle with post natal depression to help me accept this one but its the greatest lesson I have learnt to date in my life. No matter how bad things may seem I will be able to get through it - such an empowering lesson!

You always have a choice: I am not locked in to any one way of being or thinking. At any moment I can be whoever I choose to be and do whatever I choose to do with my life. The only limiting factor is my own mind. My life has been great, don't get me wrong. But I feel I spent much of my 20's blindly going along without really stopping to find out or think about what I really want to do with this one precious life I have been given (or maybe I thought I knew who I was but really I didn't). As soon as I gave myself the space to work out who I really am and what I really want, my life really started.

I will never be tanned: My skin + sun = redness/sunburn and then thats pretty much it. Not worth the pain.

A Little one, plus Mummy's nice things don't mix: I've faced facts that I should not expect to have anything 'nice' in my house for at least the next 20 years. Every now and then I foolishly think I can leave something out and it will be ok - but it never is! Lucky he is so cute.....

So thats 7. I know I'm supposed to do 9 but its quite challenging. I will add the next 2 that I come up with as soon as they come to me!

Now its my turn to tag 3 people. I tagged Marisa over at Creative Thursday, Susannah at Susannah Conway and Lisa at Doorways Traveler. These are 3 amazingly inspiring women whose blogs I read religiously. If you haven't visited them yet I highly recommend you do!

Intellectual Crush....

2010-05-29T20:00:00.005+10:00

I'll let you in on a little secret. I've got an intellectual crush. On Tom Peters. "Who is Tom Peters?" you ask. Well, he is a 67 year old American writer best known for being a guru in the world of business management practices (He co-wrote "In Search of Excellence" a book which is widely referred to as one of the best business books of all time). I haven't read this book, or any of his others actually, but I follow his blog and love, love, love his thoughts on leadership. They are always so inspiring and so in line with my own values. Here is his take on 'Servant Leadership' (from his book 'The Little BIG things"):

Our goal is to serve our customers brilliantly and profitably over the long haul.

Serving our customers brilliantly and profitably over the long haul is a product of brilliantly serving, over the long haul, the people who serve the customer. Hence our job as leaders is abetting the sustained growth and success and engagement and enthusiasm and commitment to Excellence of those, one at a time, who directly or indirectly serve the ultimate customer.

We (leaders) are in the "Human Growth and Development and Success and Aspiration to Excellence Business".

"We" only grow when "they" (each and every one of our colleagues) are growing.

"We" only succeed when "they" are succeeding.

"We" only energetically march towards Excellence when "they" are energetically marching toward Excellence.

Period.

Love your work Tom x

A Feeling of Contentment....

2010-05-29T19:36:00.003+10:00

As I was driving home from work tonight, I couldn't help but think how content I am with my life right now. The strange thing about this is that some pretty major life events and changes are happening for me right now, which, to a certain extent, should have completely "de-railed" me so to speak. But to my amazement, I am still managing to appreciate each day that I have and be in a place with myself where I am as happy as I have ever been. To be quite honest I am pretty astonished at how far I have come over the past 2 years to now be able to view life in this way. Another reminder to me of the blessings that come from life's challenges and how these can often bring with them the growth and change that will allow you to take your life to another level. I am very lucky indeed.

I Am A Work In Progress.......

2010-05-27T19:41:00.003+10:00

There is a picture and quote on the wall at work that I totally love. It reads:

"I love chocolate. I am not a natural blonde. I prefer non-fiction. I am a Taurus. I sometimes say too much. I sometimes say too little. I have two children. I started doing yoga 3 years ago. I left my husband for all the right reasons. I do not smoke. I charge down hills on my mountainbike. I am 38 years old. I'm too hard on myself. I'm too soft on myself. I have been in love. I am in love. I am happy with my body. I am happier with my mind. I love to hear my children laugh. I would regret a life where I had no regrets. I am a work in progress."

My Little Man is Back....

2010-05-25T20:01:00.002+10:00

My Little Man is back home with me and I couldn't be happier. He has been on holidays for the past 8 days with his Dad and it has been the longest 8 days of my life. When I saw him this afternoon I could have kissed him to death. Everything felt right with the world again as we sat on the couch tonight, under his blankie, watching Two and a Half Men together. Who would have thought that would be a two year olds favourite show- but it is. I love you Little Man......

Anna Aden......

2010-05-23T20:49:00.004+10:00

Images by Anna Aden found via DayDream Lily

Be Thankful for What You Have...

2010-05-23T20:18:00.003+10:00

This weekend I have caught myself worrying about things I do not or may not have in my life. I have a feeling that this is stemming from the fact that a great many changes are occurring in my personal life, and I am about to embark on a path that, up until recently I had never really seen myself heading down. Whilst I am so much more optimistic and strong in my ability to face whatever comes my way and to create my own future, than I ever have been before, I would be lying if I said there was no fear. Of course there is (as well as feelings of sadness, doubt, grief etc). But I'm happy to say that as soon as these feelings come up I acknowledge that they are there but then I turn my focus to how amazing my life is and all the wonderful things that I do have. An amazingly beautiful, cheeky and funny little man; supportive friends and an abundance of loving family members; a job where I get to inspire others and develop myself and connect with people; my health and a roof over my head to name just a few. And for all of those things I say "Thank you".

P.S. Happy Birthday to my favourite niece in the whole wide world. I am so lucky to have had you as part of my life for the past 2 years and I can't wait to share many, many more with you. Love and hugs forever, Aunty Bel. x

P.P.S I am now off to continue reading "The Girl Who Played With Fire" by Stieg Larson. All I can say is that I am totally hooked - cannot put it down!

Manifesto Of Style....

2010-05-23T20:08:00.003+10:00

I was reading Danielle LaPorte's Manifesto of Style taken from her first book "Style Statement. Live By Your Own Design". Here are my favourite snippets:

Authenticity is energising, economical and efficient. Self awareness leads to true style.
People are like snowflakes; uniquely beautiful because of the details. Celebrate what sets you apart, what's most popular and true for you, and your own specialness will become clear.
Pay attention to what attracts you. Ask yourself: What am I drawn to?
Use your best everyday. Life is too short to wait for that special occasion to bring out your finery, your treasures, your brilliance, and the best of your love.
Choose from your heart and your life will fill up with things you love. What works is what feels right.
Its always a good time to be yourself. And its never too late. Possibility exists all the time, everywhere.
Make more choices - moment to moment, day to day. You are the designer of your life. Be selective, creative and intentional in every possible way.

Love it!

New Horizons....

2010-05-19T20:40:00.005+10:00

This week marks the start of a new adventure for me career wise. Yes, I am still a lulu but as of this week I am officially the Manager of the Warringah Mall store. This was only an opportunity that came into my life a couple of weeks ago and not one that I had necessarily seen on my horizon. As I have learnt over the years though, things come into your life for a reason and even though you might not be aware of it at the time, the reason or reasons will slowly present themselves. I have to say that I am really embracing this unexpected path that I am now on. As a person who has spent most of her life having to know exactly where she is heading, my greatest learnings have stemmed from letting that expectation go and accepting that 'not knowing' is a place that I need to sit in every now and then. Not only does it allow me to take the pressure off myself but also leaves space for the possibility of anything and everything to come into my life, which is very exciting. So here's to a new chapter, new experiences and new lulu friends!

Firestarter Sessions....

2010-05-18T20:11:00.003+10:00

I started the Firestarter Sessions this week and I LOVE it. So many great things to take away and be inspired by. Here's my fave bits so far:

People's reputations are made in the bad times more than the good times.
If you want to make lots of really good stuff happen, then that's really exciting-for all of us. If you want to earn a living by doing meaningful things-then that's exceptional.
"Entrepreneurs have this real belief that their lives are about service and leadership" - Anita Roddick (founder of The Body Shop).
The act of beginning something is powerful.
Stopping doing some things = more time for what matters most.
Doing truly great work stems from simplicity: a simple home, a simple schedule and a simple frame for work.
"Make your life a creative work of art".
Think of resentment as a blaring mega-watt STOP sign.
"Begin anywhere" - John Cage.
Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most potent form of clarity that you can have. Acting on generating those feelings is the most creative thing you can do with your life.
When you pick up the phone, when you ship your product, when you walk into your store or when you post your article, how do you want to feel?
Be anchored into the emotion that is driving you.
Strategy: Know how you want to feel and do whatever it takes to feel that way.
Aiming for power gets your power circuits firing.
Enough with feeling guilty for wanting to feel the way you want to feel. Follow your desired emotion. Don't analyse it too deeply. Just let it roll and rumble a bit. It may be there to humble you, expand you, heal, surprise or reinvent you. Anywhere it leads is there for a divine reason.
When you're focused on the feelings, the form and the timing of how things come into your life are less important.
"Feelings first" is really the essence of simplified living - a focus on what matters most.
If an opportunity comes my way and it isn't going to make me feel the way I know I want to, then its "No thanks". - Danielle LaPorte.
"Never sing in chorus if you want to be heard" - Jules Archibald.
Your brand is your reputation, your character, the impression you make. Its who you are.
Integrity brands are:

1). Self referencing: ie they begin with their offering and then look for their audience. The starting point is "Who am I?" not "What will I sell?".

2). Rooted in genuine strengths + passions: Because you can't fake passion and passion persuades.

3). Consistent: Authenticity is efficient. Consistency builds velocity. People know what to expect from you and that is a beautiful thing.

4). Proud: Your most pronounced qualities are the through line of your story and they articulate your gifts and challenges.

5). Transparent: Show me who you are even if its a bit risky. Risk=momentum.

6). Emotive: If you don't emote, you're remote. Integrity brands express their feelings - psychological, political, spiritual and material. We stand up and say things. We lean forward. We risk. We laugh out loud, show our true colours and speak our minds. We make declarations.

This is only a small taste of what you get out of the Firestarter Sessions - there are also worksheets, videos, interviews etc. So if this appeals to you in any way shape or form you should definitely pop over to Danielle LaPorte's website Whitehot Truth to learn more and join in the fun!

I'm touched....

2010-05-17T17:34:00.003+10:00

Check it out! I'm a blog of interest over at blog this. Kylie's words about my blog were so touching and I feel really lucky to be able to touch and inspire others by sharing my journey. While your over at blog this, have a look at all the other amazing Aussie blogs.

Lost Generation......

2010-05-15T17:28:00.000+10:00

You've Got To Find What You Love.....

2010-05-14T13:04:00.003+10:00

I was browsing through Anita Roddick's site (Anita is the founder of the Body Shop) and came across this inspiring commencement address given by Apple CEO Steve Jobs in 2005. Anita describes it as a perfect example of the pathological optimism of an entrepreneur. I couldn't agree more.....

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered at Stanford University on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots. I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5c deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example: Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and sans serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something -your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss. I was lucky - I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a$2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me - I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death. When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure-these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and 'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it’s the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. Thank you all very much.

I Am Grateful For....

2010-05-13T16:18:00.002+10:00

A surprise dinner at Otto on Tuesday night with my fellow lululemon managers courtesy of our very generous CEO.
Amazing ferry rides on Sydney Harbour yesterday.
Champagne and chats last night with a very special friend.
Dennis at brew cafe who always starts my morning in a great way (ie lovely greeting and a much needed coffee).
Sugared blueberry bagels (I think I'm addicted).
Having the privilege of running an amazing group interview at lululemon this morning (such great people!).
Walks around Officeworks with a friend who love stationery as much as I do.

Happy Mothers Day....

2010-05-09T20:02:00.005+10:00

Image by Anne Makaske via flickr

Happy Mothers Day to all the Mum's out there! Despite the fact that mine was spent at work, I had a fantastic day. The team I worked with today were so much fun and just made me want to smile every time I looked at them. I really am very lucky to work with such great people.

My little man must have known it was a special day as he actually stayed asleep until 6:20am (yes people, this is a sleep in in my world!). We then lay in bed together for 40 mins talking and saying "Happy Mothers Day" 20 times over. I had a really, really low day yesterday and I want to acknowledge how much my little man saved my life. He is the most precious, precious thing in my life and I just adore him.

Blissology....

2010-05-07T14:24:00.003+10:00

Today I am feeling a bit like the world is whizzing around me at 100 miles per hour and that my life is turning upside down. I am trying to stay grounded and remind myself that the things that are turning upside down are doing so because they need to. Still, its a challenging, challenging time and I am calling on every ounce of my personal strength to get through this period of my life. So when I was reading Eoinn Finn's blog and read the word Blissology, and his definition, it brought a smile to my face and a much needed feeling of calm.

Eoinn defines the word Blissology as "the art of creating a path that maximises the highest degree of happiness for you and all beings".

[Origin: 1990 a.d Various conversations with Eoinn and his good friends over tasty merlot]. I love that!

Blissology is a time of reflection and dialogue with others. The tendency in life is to get pulled by the forces that lull us into a state of mediocrity or to drift aimlessly though our days. Time spent mastering the skills of blissology pay off hugely in the department of lasting happiness.

How great is this concept? Eoinn's mix of humour and seriousness is so up my alley. He has started a group called the Bliss Army which promotes spontaneous relaxation. This idea was inspired by the enlightenment he achieved one day whilst doing his Hammock Asana Posture (ie, lying in his hammock - I think that could easily be my favourite posture too!).

Just to give you a little more info, Eoinn Finn is one of Vancouver's best Yoga instructors, and the very first lululemon athletica Ambassador. Eoinn has a commitment to teaching, sharing and promoting yoga, health and bliss. He has produced a number of yoga DVD's (his "Yoga for Happiness 2" DVD was the first thing I ever purchased from a lululemon store and I love it). On his website, Eoinn Finn Yoga , there is a thing called the Happy Map, which are "aphorisms for harmonious living" as he puts it. There are many, many sayings and ideas on the map but I thought I would share a few with you that particularly resonated with me today:

Every culture has currents that will pull you into a life of uninspired mediocrity. Follow your Bliss.

Remember that the word 'Should' starts with "Shhhh...".

Let awe flow through you. Don't let even the smallest things be taken for granted or grow stale.

Aim for the stars but stay grounded in simplicity.

Creativity is pure magic.

Resist the tendency to drift through life like a cork, chart your course. Why bob around when you can surf?

Everything that doesn't go right, goes wrong for all the right reasons (although it may take time to see this).

I am dedicating this blog post to my beautiful new friend Jen, who reminded me of Eoinn Finn's greatness yesterday.

Love is the ultimate Renewable Resource.

A Relationship With Self...

2010-05-01T20:08:00.003+10:00

If I am to be completely honest about it, I focused most of my attention in my 20's, if not all of it, on my romantic relationship. I have no regrets about this, because I believe that everything happens for a reason. I'm grateful for everything I have experienced up until this point because it has made me the person I am today. However, in choosing to set aside my own needs for the needs of another person, I inhibited my own growth and stunted the most important relationship I have in my life, ie the one with myself. And from this I have learnt a very valuable lesson; That ultimately I must know myself in order to choose the right relationship/s to support my growth towards my highest potential.

The title of today's Daily Om message in my inbox was "A Relationship With Self". Of all the things that have changed in my life dramatically over the past two years, my relationship with myself has probably seen the biggest change. This relationship has undoubtedly been the most difficult one for me to cultivate. Prior to my 30's my relationship with myself was characterised by sacrifice, self doubt, fear and negativity. I felt as though the 'real me' was buried somewhere deep inside and I didn't know how to get her out. I desperately wanted to, but nothing I tried seemed to work. I think I just accepted that I would have to live with this uneasy feeling of not really being 'me'. I didn't like it, but I figured that was just the way my life was going to play out.

In the past two years I have done a lot of soul searching. It has been the most difficult and challenging period of my life, and will continue to be so for quite some time to come. But I know that it will ultimately be the most rewarding for me personally. I have been able to strip everything back and see myself for who I really am. For the first time ever I can be who I want to be and I am no longer burdened by the expectations of others.

Being in a partnership or relationship is amazing and brings so much to your life. But from this point forward I vow to always place my relationship with myself above all else. Once upon a time I would have seen this as selfish or egotistical, but what I now know is that it is actually the smartest thing I can do for myself and everyone around me. By knowing who I am and loving myself as a person, I become the person I would want to have a relationship with. And establishing this first is what will allow me to have an amazing relationship with myself, amazing relationships with others, and ultimately an amazing life.

Geoffrey Canada....

2010-04-25T09:00:00.005+10:00

(Geoffrey Canada with Children from the Promise Academy Public Charter School in Harlem)

And tonight, some child will go to bed,

No food, no place to lay their head.

No hand to hold, no lap to sit,

To give slobbery kisses from slobbery lips.

So you and I we must succeed,

In this crusade, this holy deed,

To say to the children in this land:

Have hope. We're here. We take a stand!

(Taken from Geoffrey Canada's poem "Take a Stand")

As someone who has spent the majority of her professional career as a teacher, nothing inspires me more than people who devote their lives to making a difference through education. Geoffrey Canada is one such individual.

In his 20-plus years with Harlem Children's Zone, Inc., Geoffrey Canada has become nationally recognized for his pioneering work helping children and families in Harlem and as a passionate advocate for education reform.

Since 1990, Mr. Canada has been the President and Chief Executive Officer for Harlem Children's Zone, which The New York Times Magazine called "one of the most ambitious social experiments of our time." In October 2005, Mr. Canada was named one of "America's Best Leaders" by U.S. News and World Report.

In 1997, the agency launched the Harlem Children's Zone Project, which targets a specific geographic area in Central Harlem with a comprehensive range of services. The Zone Project today covers 100 blocks and aims to serve over 10,000 children by 2011.

The New York Times Magazine said the Zone Project "combines educational, social and medical services. It starts at birth and follows children to college. It meshes those services into an interlocking web, and then it drops that web over an entire neighborhood....The objective is to create a safety net woven so tightly that children in the neighborhood just can't slip through."

The work of Mr. Canada and HCZ has become a national model and has been the subject of many profiles in the media. Their work has been featured on "60 Minutes," "The Oprah Winfrey Show," "The Today Show," "Good Morning America," "Nightline," "CBS This Morning," "The Charlie Rose Show," National Public Radio's "On Point," as well in articles in The New York Times, The New York Daily News, USA Today and Newsday.

Visit this link to TakePart.com to view more information and to watch a segment where Geoffrey shares his views on teaching. You can also visit the Harlem Children's Zone to find out more.

Og Mandino....

2010-04-25T07:36:00.006+10:00

(Image via Og Mandino blog)

"Weak is he who permits his thoughts to control his actions; strong is he who forces his actions to control his thoughts. " Scroll VI

I was checking out the Og Mandino website last night and subsequently ended up on the computer all night! The site is called "Intentional Creation - Og Mandino for the 21st Century", and I completed the free Intentional Creation Assessment that is on there. It was really, really interesting. You do two quick activities and you get an analysis of your external and internal world. It tells you aspects of these two worlds that are balanced, slightly out of balance, frequently out of balance and consistently out of balance. For each aspect you can discover what your thoughts want you to do, what the sabotaging thought process in this area often looks like, and a positive affirmation for this area.

For example, in my internal world I am consistently out of balance in one thing; being Pragmatic. My thoughts want me to be anxious, impatient and annoyed (oh boy, is this ringing true for me or what!). The affirmation I can tell myself and need to remember when these sabotaging thoughts come to play is "I am process oriented. I accurately and realistically assess the time, energy and actions needed to create my dreams and make them a tangible reality."

There is nothing that I am consistently out of balance in, in my external world but what struck me was the areas that I am balanced in here: Empathetic, Compliant, Consistent, Proactive and Tolerant. These actually match my strengths (as seen when I shared my results from the strengths finder assessment). In my internal world my ability to be Resolute and Unconditional is balanced. (Good to know since the possibility I created for myself a little while back was unconditional love and inspiration!).

Anyway, I found it really interesting, particularly in helping me to be more aware of the areas in which I am frequently out of balance. Now I have some little reminders to tell myself when I fall into the trap of listening to my sabotaging thoughts.

Love and Hugs....

2010-04-21T07:43:00.002+10:00

To my sister Lauren who ended up on the operating table yesterday having her appendix taken out (Dude, you go to pretty good lengths to get out of work my friend.....!). Hope you are feeling ok honey. x

Why People Fail....

2010-04-19T20:36:00.002+10:00

I actually finished this book about a month ago now, but really wanted to make sure I posted about it. It really was very straight forward and easy to understand. Although I haven't put any of the tips into practice yet, there are definitely a number of them that I will.

Siimon Reynolds presents 16 obstacles that he believes are the barriers to success and explains how to overcome them. These obstacles are:

1. Unclear purpose: When you have a clear and inspiring life purpose, every department of life becomes easier.

2. Destructive thinking: One of the greatest moments of a person's life is the moment they decide to no longer be a victim of their destructive thinking and commit to taking charge of their thoughts.

3. Low productivity: People ho fail usually don't take enough action. Productivity is simple. Get clear about what you want; Take action; Change your approach if it isn't working, and stick with it if it is.

4. Fixed mindset: Those with a growth mindset value learning and progress over anything else. As a result of continued growth in every field of life that they value, people with a growth mindset are always getting better and more adept at the stuff they work on.

5. Weak energy: Together, natural foods, vigorous exercise, regulated sleep and daily meditation to relieve stress will work wonders.

6. Not asking the right questions: The quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you regularly ask yourself.

7. Poor presentation skills: Nothing big happens until someone sells someone else on something, whether its an idea, a product, a service or a person. The only solution is to get good at presenting as fast as you can.

8. Mistaking IQ for EQ: Our emotional wisdom - our empathy for others, our self-discipline, our optimism and our ability to get on with those around us - has a far higher impact on our success or failure in life.

9. Poor self-image: Visualise that you are successful for at least a few minutes every day.

10. Not enough thinking: Successful people resist the urge to leap into action without forethought; instead they carefully plan their line of attack. Dedicating hours, days or even weeks to conceiving breakthrough ideas is a vital part of achieving uncommon success.

11. No daily rituals: Rituals are at the heart of any effective success system. By developing a series of activities that become habit and therefore don't require huge effort to do, you make progress towards your goals every week.

12. Stress:Its not what happens to you that makes you stressed, its how you react to what happens.

13. Few relationships: Highly successful people always develop a crack team of advisers to help them reach their goals. You are only as good as the team around you. The key is to develop these relationships before you need them.

14. Lack of persistence: Most people get ahead of the pack by simply trying harder, working longer, doing more and basically just persisting longer than the average failure. Behind all those exciting stories of the mega-successful, you'll usually find that good old, down and dirty persistence was the real secret to their stardom. Push yourself. Go the extra mile.

15. Money obsession: Putting money or fame first in your life leads to less happiness, poorer health, less community involvement and lower self esteem. Build your life around relationships, community, serving others and appreciation, and all the research says you will have a far more enjoyable time than the money worshippers.

16. Not focusing on strengths: Its far smarter to design your life (as much as you can) around your strengths. Life is short. Don't spend it doing things that you are neither good at nor particularly enjoy. Anyone can recreate their life so that they are doing more things that nurture and enrich them, and that they have a talent for. All thats needed is the will to make it happen.

Gratitude.....

2010-04-15T19:34:00.004+10:00

Today I am grateful for amazing friends who are full of compassion and love; fellow lulu's who wear crazy outfits and tell crazy stories (You know who you are Miss Chan!); self belief; authenticity; coffee and chats with a beautiful soul; and precious time with my little man (especially his tickles!).

You're not that important but you are the centre of the universe....

2010-04-12T21:12:00.003+10:00

I came across something from Danielle Laporte tonight that I found fascinating. She put forward the following two ideas:

YOU'RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT

This is Part One of a two part exercise. Repeat: this is not a philosophical declaration to carry around in your heart. Rather, it's a soul-teaser to wind through your bean and shake up some thought forms.

The world will go on if
: you don't show up at work.
: you don't post to your blog tomorrow.
: you cancel the meeting.
: you stay in bed all day.
: you don't sign the contract.
: you don't answer the phone.
: you don't check your email.
: you leave town.

CEO, #1, Captain, President, The Leader.
Who cares. It's just business, moving parts, day to day. You can be replaced.

Mother. Father. Teacher.
Aside from single parents caring for little ones, you're just not the only influence in your children's lives. They may not even want to stick around when they grow up. You may never be thanked. They will find their way with or without you.

Lover. Partner. So-called Significant Other.
Replaceable. And God knows, as a partner, you can certainly be improved upon.

You're one in a about six and half billion. A speck. A blink in the eye of God. A nano micro weeny zip in the eons of time and vastness of space. No one's happinessreally depends on you - no one's. People can take care of themselves like they always have. It's most likely that one hundred years from now, nobody will so much as mention your name.

You're just passing through, and times flies.

Life will go on with or without you.

How does it feel to consider that?

YOU ARE THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE

This is part 2 of the exercise

So much is because of you. The letters you've written and sent, the touches, the kisses, the parties. Every grain of advice, set of directions, every breakfast for guests. That quarter you tossed into a panhandlers hat could have facilitated the call that turned it all around. Little kindnesses, grand gestures. The doing of your being imprinting place and time. Inevitably.
Consider everything you've ever been thanked for.
Every photo you've been in.
Every corner you've turned.
Every time you've signed your name.
Consider that you radiate. At all times. Consider that what you're feeling right now is rippling outward into a field of is-ness that anyone can dip their oar into. You are felt. You are heard. You are seen. If you were not here, the world would be different. Because of your presence, the universe is expanding.
How does it feel to consider that?
What struck me when I read this was how both ideas are true but how easy it is to lose sight of them. Life totally goes on whether we do any of the things listed or not - but we so easily fall into the habit of thinking we 'have' to do everything. That we can't stay home from work if we're sick, that we must be contactable everywhere we go, that we can't take one day each week or even every now and then for ourselves. But we absolutely can. The times I have been acutely aware of this has been during periods when I have been ill - most recently, when I went through postnatal depression. The thought of all those daily things and bits and pieces not being done was initially unfathomable. But when it came to the crunch and I had no choice but to remove myself from everyday life as I had known it, the world did not end. I pretty much dropped out of my usual existence for a good number of weeks/months and life went on. Funny that....
On the flip side, I love the idea that we are the centre of the universe - but for all those reasons that really matter (you know the ones we often don't stop to think twice about or the ones we take for granted). How amazing is the impact we can have on the world around us from just 'being'. The letters you've written and sent, the touches, the advice - so beautiful and empowering when you stop to think about it.

Firestarter Sessions....

2010-04-11T19:56:00.005+10:00

I'm so excited! I've signed up to do Danielle Laporte's "Firestarter Sessions" which is a digital experience for entrepreneurs. It starts in May but if you pre order you get to download a PDF of some of the work to get a taster of what its about. It is so inspiring and motivating and interesting that I woke up at 5am the morning after I downloaded it because I just wanted to get stuck into it. I took so many notes its not funny because everything resonated with me so much. There was an activity at the end where you had to answer certain questions. Here's some of my responses:

You go to the best cocktail party ever. Its a life changing event because you meet the most with it, interesting, empowered people, and each of them can contribute to your career and interests in some way. Who was there? What kind of info did they share with you? What did they ask you? How did they offer to help you?

Oprah Winfrey, Brian Tracy (self-help author and guru), Marcus Buckingham (motivational speaker, trainer, researcher and author), Chip Wilson (founder of lululemon athletica), Christine Day (CEO lululemon athletica), Susannah Conway (photographer, writer, blogger), Danielle Laporte (entrepreneur), Marisa Haedike (artist, blogger), Scott Schuman (The Sartorialist-photographer), Garance Dore' (illustrator, photographer, blogger), Sarah Jessica Parker, Beyonce, Ellen Degeneres, Bono, Jono Fisher (founder of Wake up Sydney!), Siimon Reynolds (entrepreneur, writer), Seth Godin (author, entrepreneur and agent of change) & my twin sister Stacey.

A real mixture there covering everything I love: creativity, art, writing, blogging, fashion, music, humour, business, self-development. The information they would share with me would be how to remain authentic and follow your passion, how to make a living from your passion, how they have made a difference in the world and insights into their journey. They would all offer to help me by mentoring me, giving me feedback, allowing me to work with them and simply by enjoying life and my experience with them.

What are you intensely interested in? What could you talk about late into the night with like-minded people, or to an audience of rapt listeners hanging on your every word?

Living authentically, living creatively, inspiring others, making a living by doing what you love, being the change I want to see in the world, inspiring others, goal setting, self development, finding my passion, reading, design, entrepreneurship, connecting with others.

What activities make you feel really useful, alive and strong? When do you feel like a rockstar, a gifted contributor, a very cool and purposeful human being? In terms of the things you do, when do you feel most like yourself?

When I'm advising others, inspiring others, connecting, creating and blogging.

What do I want to be known for?

Inspiring others and living authentically.

If you are interested in doing the Firestarter Sessions, or just want to find out more about the amazing Danielle, here is the link to her blog.

2010-04-09T15:19:00.000+10:00

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to ones courage" - Anais Nin

The Strong Life Test For Women.....

2010-04-09T10:40:00.003+10:00

Today I went on-line and did Marcus Buckingham's "Strong Life Test for Women". This test is linked to a book of Marcus' by the same name. According to the test my leading role is a CREATOR. This means I begin by asking "What do I understand?". I'm not immune to the feelings of others, but my starting point is my own insight, my own understanding. My best quality is my ability to find patterns invisible to others. I always need to find time to be by myself. I need to be careful not to think so long that I never do anything. My smartest career move is any job where I am paid to produce new content.

My supporting role is ADVISOR. This means I begin by asking "What is the best thing to do?". My thrill comes from knowing that I am the person others turn to for the answers. I don't necessarily want to be the person who actually makes the changes happen. Rather, what excites me is being valued by others for my insight and my judgement. My best quality is my ability to find a solution. I always need to search for data to support my advice. I must be careful to not get frustrated by other people's failings. My smartest career move is any job where I'm paid to be opinionated.

Spot on in so many ways! I love learning more about who I am and self-development. If you want to take the test yourself you can do so by following this link: http://stronglifetest.com

Hunting for Eggs....

2010-04-06T20:25:00.003+10:00

Isn't he adorable?

(Thanks to my cousin Em for taking the photo!)

Great things about today....

2010-04-06T20:15:00.002+10:00

My Little Boo Boo giving me 'huggles' this morning (even though it was 5am...!).

Having great energy at work today.

A fun staff meeting at work re-merching the store.

An afternoon of tea, chats and chocolate in the Chinese Gardens with a lovely friend.

BBQ pork buns for dinner with Boo Boo.

Image of the Day...

2010-04-03T19:29:00.001+11:00

(Source unknown)

Agreements.....

2010-04-03T19:16:00.001+11:00

One of my bestest friends sent me these agreements the other day. Very wise advice for living.....

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.